From first to worst

This column could go either way, Harrison Mooney says

Quick note to the editors before I start this piece: this week is a tricky one. As you know, even though these articles run on Saturday, they have to be filed by early Friday. That’s usually fine, but on Friday night, the Canucks play the Buffalo Sabres, and I think it’s safe to say that the mood in Vancouver will be drastically different if they lose. After all, it was one thing to lose to the Anaheim Ducks — hockey’s best team. It’s something else entirely to lose to hockey’s worst team — a team that’s all but trying to lose most nights.

With that in mind, I’ve penned this week’s article with both a win and a loss in mind. Here’s what you’ll have to do late Friday night: if the Canucks win, simply remove all the words in bold. But if they lose, leave the article as-is. DON’T FORGET TO DO THIS OR I’LL LOOK FOOLISH!!!

Well, it’s official. The Canucks have been defeated by the Buffalo Sabres. This may be rock- bottom on the season.

All year long, we’ve been worried that the bottom might fall out on this team, that they might be proven to be a mirage, that they would follow last year’s historic, seemingly unrepeatable collapse by making more history and repeating it. I think now we can safely say that we no longer have to worry about that whole post-season thing. These Canucks are going down in flames and there will be no march to the playoffs.

This might seem a drastic response to one game. But listen: it’s the Buffalo Sabres. As the saying goes, good teams beat bad teams, and thus, with this outcome, we know for certain that the Canucks are not a good team, but a bad team.

The Sabres are terrible. They’re tanking to get one of the top two picks in the 2015 lottery draft, either Connor McDavid or Jack Eichel. And after watching them face up against the Canucks, it’s clear that Vancouver is nowhere near competitive and should be doing the same as them. These expansion cousins are going in the same way, and opposite coast or no, the Canucks should have taken this visit as an opportunity to ask for directions.

So what do the Canucks do now? Blow it up, as they’re soon to be beaten up by the Sharks and Kings. They can’t finish, and second in the Pacific Division, once seemingly within reach, is no longer even a question for them. As effective as they used to be, the Sedins are still viable trade pieces and the dominant goal should be to trade them. Lots of teams would be giddy to have them, and the Canucks should not hesitate to make them available.

The Ryan Miller signing was a mistake. The Canucks should not have signed him for more than two years. Alex Edler is not the No. 1 defenceman this franchise has been seeking since, well, their inception. And Nick Bonino is no more than a slightly capable forward, definitely unworthy of holding down the second-line centre position.

Luca Sbisa, as Jim Benning should have known, is a bust, as he’s like one of those marble statues out there, but only slightly more capable of turning the head to watch forwards blow past him. Linden Vey is over his head, not here to stay, as Benning said, which rhymes, so it must be true. For all the talk of Benning being a supreme talent evaluator with an eye for the long game, his first year as general manager has mostly left me wondering if he’s already finished and should be removed from the job in one year, like John Tortorella. The Canucks are less competitive now.

The Canucks can hang all the banners they like, but with no Stanley Cups, is anybody still impressed that they once finished first in the league standings? They’ve got no speed, minimal skill, they lack size, and their time is not now. They should be stocking up for the future, not a playoff run, because only a jejune individual would believe a Cup win is at hand.

But if they can’t beat Buffalo ... it’s time to go down for the count this season, Canucks, and go for it later.

Editor’s note to Harrison: Uhhhh … sorry.