Moving on after prostate cancer
Burnaby man lends hope and support to others coping with the effects of surgery
Len Gross knows well the difficulties men can experience after a prostate cancer diagnosis.
When doctors spelled it out for him in 1992, his life changed in almost the blink of an eye.
Big plans were put on hold, largely because he was reeling psychologically. Then came the physical scars. The Burnaby husband and father had surgery that left him permanently impotent.
It also left him with a “stress incontinence issue” that requires him to wear protective pads because of leakage.
Out of this hardship grew a desire to help other men.
To that end, he rolled up his sleeves and got to work. He was a founding member and is now a board member of the Prostate Cancer Foundation B.C. He is also one of the founders of the Canadian Prostate Cancer Network, leader of the Vancouver prostate cancer support group, chairman of its speakers group and, at 81, he still takes part in the annual Father’s Day walk/ run around Burnaby Lake to raise funds for prostate cancer research and support.
In fact, he has been a key organizer of the event since its inception 17 years ago, although after this year’s event on June 21, he will pass the torch to Kevin Tam, a young research scientist with the Vancouver Prostate Centre.
The walk/run has raised more than $2 million and brought families together in the natural setting to celebrate the men in their lives. Gross said helping other men faced with the disease has helped him see the bright side of his own situation.
He counts his blessings. Fortunately, his cancer hasn’t recurred.
Other men, particularly those with a late diagnosis, aren’t so lucky. Some become completely incontinent. And he has seen men who — on top of the physical scars — have had to deal with the emotional trauma of losing their wives because of their impotence.
Fortunately, his marriage remained intact, although it took some effort. He refers to his wife Lorna as “my confidante and my supporter.”
Addressing the issue of impotence in his marriage, he explained, “It certainly made life a bit of a problem initially to try and make adjustments for the condition I was in, but we were able to cope with that satisfactorily and we are happy together. We support each other and we rely on each other heavily for whatever. We do everything together.”
Gross would have every reason to have regrets, given that his cancer was so mild, doctors wouldn’t operate on him today. Instead, they would keep him under surveillance, avoiding if at all possible the potential of the complications of impotence and incontinence that often follow surgery. But he is a guy who looks on the sunny side, relishing the walk/run where his two daughters will take part along with a big crowd of kids, parents, cancer survivors and their supporters.
With live music, food, games and face and T-shirt painting, it resembles one big party.
In a more sombre setting, Gross said he is often moved by the way men open up at the support group he leads. When a reticent man looks into the faces of the other men and hears their stories, he knows he is not alone.
Suddenly, he finds the words to voice his feelings and lend comfort to others.
“That for me shows that we are all in this game together and we’re there to help whoever comes in,” he says.
Prostate cancer is the most common cancer in men. One in seven men will be diagnosed with it at one point in their lives. Fewer than four per cent will die from it. It accounts for 10 pent of all cancer deaths in men.