Celebrating fatherhood

Fatherhood, alas, is a role that’s been struggling recently with its pop culture reputation. Social and cultural critics have all mused on what has been referred to as the dumbing down of dad. And when dad’s not the bumbling doofus of television commercials and sitcoms, he’s either seriously in conflict, can’t connect with his kids or spouse, a workaholic who puts job before family or is just a really big problem; think The Sopranos or Family Guy.

It wasn’t always thus. Dad was once the cornerstone of warm and wise, unassailably competent at everything from hanging kitchen cabinets on his day off to fixing the lawn mower and counselling unruly teens on proper conduct at the sock hop.

Why the transmogrification from paterfamilias to prat? Not, it turns out, because of a popular stereotype that argues the rise of man-hating feminists legitimized misandry and unleashed an eruption of mocking, belittling and disparaging the objects of oppressed women’s fury. When three Texas psychologists set out to quantify women’s attitudes toward men, they found to their surprise that feminists demonstrated much lower levels of hostility toward men. Turns out women, including feminists, like men and they don’t think they are all self-absorbed chumps.

More likely, say other social critics, dad as doofus represented a creative rebellion against the traditional portrayals of dads who were perceived as saccharine, predictable — dare we say it? — Pablum. The natural reaction was to mock the old stereotypes with new ones. As with most revolutions and the excesses they spawn, it now appears we’re swinging back to a more reasonable equilibrium. Despite much fretting, pop culture increasingly portrays men in the more diverse, multi-tasked roles that both men and women accept and now expect in a society of two-income families, shared responsibilities and men who think feminist goals of equality are a good idea worth sharing.

This merely reflects the reality that most of us experience. Men launched a campaign for the installation of change tables in public washrooms because, well, dads change diapers. Dads drive kids to dance lessons and to basketball practice, they dress the kids for school, arise to cuddle cranky babies in the middle of the night so mom can get some sleep. Today’s dads do laundry, bathe the kids, volunteer at school — for the crosswalk patrol, not just coaching the soccer team — and celebrate when their daughters earn university degrees. When necessary, they cope as single parents.

The social science shows indisputably that dads and their involvement with families are not only beneficial, they are crucial to generating the best possible outcomes for children, complementing all those valuable influences moms bring to families. Times change; roles change with them. Father’s Day is when we dismiss the silly caricatures and stereotypes of pop culture and instead appreciate and celebrate everything dad does so well.

So here’s to fathers everywhere. Thanks for everything. Enjoy your day. You’ve earned it.