An ordinary life, in focus
Author looks back on her child years and adulthood, warts and all
Miji Campbell grew up with a close-knit family during the ’60s and ’70s in a middle class Calgary suburb. Her life proceeded in an orderly fashion: comingof-age, university, first job, first apartment — and then, suddenly, it began to unravel. Separation Anxiety, her first book, provides insights into a woman’s journey in life, and the power of personal transformation. Here, she tells us about how even a so-called ordinary life can be extraordinary. Q Why did you decide to write Separation Anxiety, your first book? A Separation Anxiety was an accidental memoir. I’d wanted to write a book about my mother’s childhood, which was grim. Whenever I tried to write about my mother, stories about my own childhood — which was good — kept coming up. At the same time that I was reconstituting my childhood, I was also writing about my adult life in my private journals. These fragments of stories from my past and my present began to weave together around a common thread of anxiety. That became the book I really needed to write. Q At what moment in your life did you realize you had an anxiety disorder, and how did you come to that realization? A I didn’t realize I had an anxiety disorder — or that such a thing even existed — until I saw a book in the self-help section of the local bookstore. It was a relief to know I wasn’t the only one in the world who’d experienced those feelings. But I believed I had my anxiety under control — that I would never be one of those people who suffered like some of the case studies in the book. It wasn’t until a few years later — after I’d visited several doctors with my list of physical ailments — that I learned I had a serious anxiety disorder. Q You write candidly about your complex relationship with your mother in the book. What about your relationship makes it familiar to mothers and daughters everywhere? A The special bond between mothers and daughters is often sentimentalized. For many of us, this close relationship can also be confining and confusing. I needed my mom but I also needed to separate from her in order to become an independent adult, capable of making my own choices. I think this is a universal experience for mothers and daughters. Q Why do you feel it’s important for some women to speak more openly about their lives, including anxiety and mental health issues, as you do in the book? A My book is not self- help although it could be helpful. Many women — and men — struggle with anxiety issues, often in silence. No one really wants to talk about it, personally. But they’ll continue to read personal stories about it, searching for connection and reassurance: they’re not alone, they’re not crazy — and there’s help. The responses I’ve had from many readers seem to jumpstart these conversations. They feel relieved, grateful, empowered — and want to share their experiences. Q The book describes several pivotal moments in your life when your childhood beliefs about family, career and marriage were let go, leading to the discovery of your true self. Can you describe one of those moments, and what it felt like to revisit it in writing? A On a cold October afternoon, I was planting tulip and daffodil bulbs in my garden, digging them into nearly frozen ground. I wrote this bleak note in my journal later that day: “I won’t be here to see them when they bloom in spring.” At that time, I was sad, angry, confused about my marriage. When I revisited those lines years later and included them in the book, I felt sadness but also gratitude for the courage I had to dig deep to find. Q What do you hope readers will take away from the book? A A favourite piece of story — like a favourite stone in a pocket. Whether it’s a memory of a summer night playing hide and seek until dusk or a single phrase that resonates or a passage that gives us permission to laugh or cry — I hope this story of an ordinary life stays with readers long after the last page is read.