Circumcision a divisive subject for couple

THIS WEEK’S TRAP

My husband and I are expecting a baby boy in a few weeks. We have fundamental differences in our opinions on circumcision.

I’ve asked my friends with boys and each has a good argument for either choice, but I just feel sick when I think about inflicting pain unnecessarily.

For my husband it’s about esthetics and wanting him to look the same as him, but how do you make that kind of a decision for a child? It just seems barbaric. I’d love to know your opinion.

Jenn, Vancouver

YOUR TWO CENTS

When a young boy becomes aware of the difference between his genitalia and his dad’s, I would be surprised if the lad would notice a missing foreskin at all.

There is no way that boy “will look the same as him” until well after puberty. I don’t think that is reason enough to hack off a foreskin.

Luanne, Abbotsford

Where to begin? Esthetics? Might as well give baby a nose job while you are at it. You can rule out esthetics right away. When your son gets to comparing himself to his father or his mates, he will find out soon enough that he is not the only uncircumcised male on Earth. His dad could simply tell him that when he was born customs were different.

Rudy, Vancouver

Follow your gut, Jenn. Do not let your husband convince you to cut your son. Circumcision can be performed at any age. If your son decides he wants the cosmetic surgery as an adult, he can seek it out and consent. There is no option to reverse a circumcision.

Paul, Vancouver

MICHELE KAMBOLIS SAYS

This subject has generated the most overwhelming response of any Parent Trap column.

While the Parent Trap community gave circumcision a categorical “No way,” it’s important to carefully research the risks and benefits as you make one of your first big parenting decisions together.

Keep in mind that in Canada the cultural tides have clearly been changing when it comes to circumcision. The Canadian Paediatric Society does not recommend circumcision as a routine procedure.

Non-medical circumcision is no longer included in health care coverage and many doctors won’t perform the procedure, deeming it unnecessary.

While your husband’s generation was more favourable to circumcision, opinions are quickly changing. The Canadian Institute for Health Information reports only nine per cent of baby boys were circumcised in 2005 and the Public Health Agency of Canada found the British Columbia rates to be 18 per cent in 2006. And while reports vary, we do know that rates of circumcision are down and in most cases circumcision has become a cultural decision, not a medical one.

In the end, looking at all the facts, discussing your religious and cultural values and weighing the risks and benefits are second to something even more powerful when it comes to parenting: your instincts.

Anytime you “feel sick” about imposing something on your child, listen to those parenting instincts.

As for how your son might, or might not, feel about being different from his dad in this way, that is certainly a discussion you can all have together when the time comes, if the unlikely question arises at all.

NEXT WEEK’S TRAP

My daughter is nine and she has a male friend at school who is a year younger.

A few weeks ago I found out that they’ve been touching each others’ private parts during play when they’ve been at the boy’s house.

While I was initially angry about the lack of supervision and have put a stop to play dates at his house, I’m not sure how to handle their time together.

Both parents spoke with the kids about safe play and private versus public body parts and so forth, but I’d rather they not be playing together at all.

What are your thoughts?

Pauline, Richmond

ADD YOUR TWO CENTS

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