Dance provides teachable moment

Instead of father-daughter, how about family or parents event to make it inclusive?

THIS WEEK’S TRAP …

My children go to an independent school in Seattle, and every year they have a father- daughter dance. That all sounds lovely but my husband is in the military and has missed the last two years. My daughter is amazing about it, but my heart breaks for her every time the event comes around. Every year I go instead, and do my best to be the best “date” imaginable. With so many different families (single parent, gay or trans parents and parents who simply can’t be there) I think they should just change the event altogether. I want to take this on but am afraid of upsetting the rest of the parents or drawing more attention to my daughter. What should I do?

— Holly, Seattle

YOUR TWO CENTS …

A discreet but straightforward meeting with the school and the event planners is in order. Explain your position, and even if it is not a wholesale agreement, perhaps the school will make “exceptions”.

— Ken, Vancouver

We do live in a very diverse time. How about a friends and family dance? In the meantime, maybe dad can send a video recorded special message that could be played at the dance.

— Karen, Vancouver

MICHELE KAMBOLIS SAYS

Canadian families are changing, and fast. Two moms, two dads, single parents, grandparents raising the grandkids, the list goes on. The one thing we know for sure is that the last two decades have seen a trend toward increased family diversity.

But, where does that leave schools that are left balancing tradition with the new family structures?

In our inclusive Canadian culture, the answer is built into our heritage; build bridges for inclusion so every child and family is both celebrated and included.

First, you’ve been doing something incredibly important as your daughter faces the feelings of loss that come with having a dad in the military — you are stepping up to fill the emotional void. Children can face a great deal as long as they have a consistently present, loving adult sending the message that they’re important, that they matter.

Help your daughter focus on what she has, without downplaying the impact of what she’s missing — her dad. Whether it’s Father’s Day or a father-daughter dance, lead the way in celebrating the full range of caring adults in her life. We know that when students feel seen and significant at school they fare better both emotionally and academically, so you’re on the right track.

Encourage your school to celebrate with a family dance or parents’ day so that events are more inclusive. Remind them that there are many families in your school.

Present it as an opportunity to have important conversations about gender stereotypes and diversity.

After all, these are teachable moments and an opportunity to acknowledge and revel in the ever-changing landscape of family life. NEXT WEEK’S TRAP:

My son has terrible night terrors. He’s three years old and they seem to be getting progressively worse. He screams about everything from spiders to dogs to trucks, and if I touch him he just gets aggressive. Apparently I had them when I was a kid as well and my mom is convinced it was because of a milk allergy. Is it worth trying an elimination diet and is there anything else that works?

— Karla, Richmond