HOW TO FIND BALANCE BETWEEN FAMILY AND WORK ROAD TRIPS
A busy schedule doesn’t have to ruin your relationships
Like many road warriors, Marc Felgar is familiar with business travellers’ guilt. At one time, he travelled at least once a month, usually for a few days at a time. And he was famous for doublebooking business trips at the same time as family occasions.
But five years ago, the Montreal-based CEO of credit card comparison website GreedyRates.ca outdid himself by planning a work trip that started on the first day of a family vacation to Sarasota, Fla. He simply made a mistake, he says, but his wife, Trisha, bore the brunt of it.
“She had to travel to Florida on her own with the kids, who were then about eight and five,” Felgar recalls. When she tried to pick up the rental car, the company refused to let her have it. “I had given her my credit card for the car rental,” Felgar explains. “But when she got there, they said, ‘Sorry, you can’t use a credit card in someone else’s name.’”
THE UPSHOT:
She took a taxi from the Tampa airport to the house — a distance of about 90 kilometres.
“Her reaction, sadly enough, wasn’t total surprise,” admits Felgar.
She had, however, managed to reap some measure of revenge. Rather than settle for a street taxi, she took a limo. “I don’t remember what it cost,” he says, “but that one was worth it.”
Other business travellers will be familiar with the difficulty of juggling a personal life, a busy work schedule and frequent business travel. A 2012 Best Western survey of 500 business travellers found 62 per cent felt guilty while on the road for work. For most, the remorse came from being away from loved ones, missing such special events as birthdays and anniversaries, or succumbing to unhealthy on-the-road eating habits and lack of exercise.
“Business travel can be yet an added stress for busy families,” says Toronto family therapist Toula Kourgiantakis, and it can breed resentment.
The good news is that a busy travel schedule, handled properly, doesn’t have to wreak havoc on your relationships. “Couples need to have a clear understanding of expectations on both sides,” says Kourgiantakis. “That means knowing what tasks each will take on and how they will communicate with each other before, during and after a spouse goes away on business.”
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE ELECTRONIC TOOL BOX.
Felgar’s wife found a solution to ensure his business calendar reflects important family events. “Now she emails me an invitation every time there’s a family dinner, a holiday or a family vacation,” he says. “It appears automatically in my Outlook calendar. So if I’m booking a business trip, I see which dates are important.”
New methods of communication can also help maintain family ties while you’re away as well, says Kourgiantakis. “You may not be able to offer substantial practical support, but for some couples, it can go a long way to just call in and talk to the kids from a distance — particularly when you’re dealing with adolescents.”
She had one client who regularly “ate breakfast and dinner” with the family via Skype while travelling.
Vancouver-based automotive entrepreneur Jay Giraud says Skype doesn’t work that well with his kids, who are eight and four. “Usually the hotel Wi-Fi is terrible,” he says. “And I get the kids’ attention for about five minutes before they’re chasing the cat around the house.”
He prefers to exchange texts and photos with his wife.
“If she takes the kids for swimming lessons, she takes pictures of them in the pool and I get those practically in real time,” he says. “That’s nice because there’s not a total blackout on what they’re doing, although it isn’t like being there.”
Julie Cole, co-founder of Mabel’s Labels Inc., points out that not all children thrive on regular communication when you’re on the road. Now that her six kids — aged seven, 10, 11, 14, 15 and 17 — are a bit older, Cole chats with some of them via Face Time and texts almost constantly while travelling on business. But for others she maintains radio silence.
“It sets them back to hear from me because they get upset missing me,” she says. Her advice: take your cue from the kids.
RECOGNIZE YOUR SPOUSE’S NEEDS.
You’ve just returned from a business trip and your partner wants nothing more than dinner out. Meanwhile, you long to kick back, eat a homemade meal and relax at home.
That’s a typical scenario for couples where business travel is a regular thing, says Kourgiantakis.
“You have to come up with some kind of middle ground that works for both of you.”
Giraud admits it wasn’t easy for his wife to cope with his travel schedule after their first child was born.
“She had all the isolation of being an at-home mom with a newborn and yet her support partner was gone half the time,” he says. They’ve since developed a routine that works for them.
“As soon as I’m in the door, she’s out,” says Giraud. “Like, gone. My work travel time gets traded for her social time.”
What’s more, no matter what time he arrives home (usually about 2 a.m.), he gets up at 7 a.m. to allow his wife — a busy career executive — to get out of the house by 8.
It can be exhausting, he says, but he recognizes that when he’s travelling, the burden falls on her.
“She has usually missed a lot of morning meetings, so (when I’m home) I’m definitely the one getting up, packing the kids’ lunches and getting them off to school,” he says.
PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON IT.
Cole does her best to minimize business travel and occasionally takes a child with her on the road. But in the end, she says, she has to fulfil her obligations. If her children question her travel schedule, she’s quick to point out that “it is my work that allows them to have and do the things they enjoy.”
What’s more, although she used to feel a great deal of anxiety leaving the kids, she learned to find the silver lining.
“Within 24 hours, I generally would settle in and actually enjoy getting a full night of sleep in a hotel bed with no little munchkins invading my space,” she confesses.