Getting older? Get ready

Caring for the elderly has become the new normal

It’s not a question of if, it’s when you will become a caregiver. And it’s coming to a home near you.

You’ll be joining an unpaid army, sandwiched in between generations, exhausted, going through the motions.

Just ask Hilary S. Many tell this Pickering, Ont., resident how special she is because she is caring for her elderly mother in her time of need, but she’s weary of the task. She’ll tell you she actually hates it.

“It’s by default, not design — my two siblings live out of province, so I’m it. Our mother is 80 and refuses to go into a seniors home or have outside help come in. Her mind is good, but her mobility and health are deteriorating,” says Hilary, who works and is also a mother to three young adults, two who still live at home.

The 58-year-old goes to her mom’s home four times a week, bringing fears and resentment along with food and toiletries. The stress of taking care of her mom has impacted on all aspects of her life, and she’ll say she can’t help the bitterness, yet feels for her mother’s loneliness.

Hilary is far from the only one overburdened.

Statistics Canada reports that one out of every three working Canadians gave personal time to care for a disabled person — many of those seniors, and in most cases a relative of the caregiver.

And it’s costly: Caring for elderly parents costs adult children $33 billion in out-of-pocket expenses and lost wages, reports CIBC.

Canadian caregivers number in the millions and they face physical, emotional and financial burdens while providing care. And things are only going to get worse due to an aging population, longer life spans and strained social services.

So just who is caring for the caregiver? It appears they’re on their own until they crash and burn, says therapist Heidi Cowie, who counsels many caregivers.

“It’s a pressure cooker of juggling work, childcare and elder care,” says Cowie, of heidicowie.com.

It’s a common scenario: “The No. 1 issue I treat is chronic stress that has led to anxiety and often coupled with depression . ... We may resent the extra caregiving burdens and then we blame ourselves for not being able to juggle it all.”

There’s also the guilt of not wanting to do it — and fear of what’s to come.

“Next I will be toileting her!” says Hilary. Adds Cowie: “If someone cannot wipe their own bum, they are seriously disabled and need to be in an LTC facility.”

In the next 30 years, the number of elderly Canadians needing assistance is expected to double — there are now more seniors than kids in Canada.

And Canadians 65 and older will continue to rise; by 2024 they will account for 20.1 per cent of the population, reports Stats Can.

A B.C. report found that close to one-third of unpaid caregivers are in distress, few with any form of community or home support.

According to Jennifer Baumbusch of UBC, there are many largely invisible caregivers experiencing high levels of burnout.

“To get help, caregivers either reach a point of total crisis or they need to have the time and energy to reach out,” adds Baumbusch, whose research is aimed at improving the inclusion of caregivers in our healthcare system.

“There are great resources for caregivers, but, again, it’s up to the caregiver to find the (help).” But it’s not all doom and gloom. “I think the aging population will look to stay as healthy and active as possible. I believe we will form more social supports and look toward more community shared living,” says Cowie.

Aging is a transition and there is a psychological adaptation to the transition, adds Cowie. “A successful glide into later years is as much an attitude as anything else.”

Visit carerscanada.ca and thecaregivernetwork.ca.