Holiday etiquette on ... family get-togethers
If you tense up at the mention of family dinners around the holidays, you’re likely not alone.
Whether it’s a drunk uncle, incessant questions about who you’re dating or your family’s inability to understand your life choices, the holidays family get-togethers can bring out the worst in some.
“Nothing’s more awkward than a family feud during the holidays,” said Sharon Schweitzer, etiquette expert.
DO: Be polite, then grin and bear it
It might be tough but your best bet is to be polite and civil to everyone, even if some of the relatives might not be your favourite.
“Your mature attitude and behaviour will help reduce bickering and fights at the family dinner,” said Schweitzer.
She suggests small talk about weather, sports and any other noncontroversial topics.
DO: Be genuine and kind
We all recognize those moments when a snarky relative is baiting you into an outburst.
“Block these attempts by showing them your kindness,” said Schweitzer.
Being kind, though challenging at times, is the best way to avoid an all-out scene, she said, and could prevent a breakdown in the relationship. Schweitzer suggests turning the attention onto the relative instead by being genuinely interested in their lives but to avoid personal questions that might put them on the defensive.
DO: Play games — but not mind games
When all else fails, opt for a puzzle or icebreaker game.
Games will at least get everyone into the holiday spirit and give you something to focus on, other than grating questions. Maybe don’t pick something that could lead to all-out warfare like Risk or Monopoly. Holiday etiquette series with international etiquette and manners expert Sharon Schweitzer.
WEDNESDAY: How to tip
THURSDAY: Office parties
FRIDAY: Gifting
TODAY: Family get-togethers
MONDAY: Travel
DON’T: Discuss politics or religion
With the state of the world, it requires almost superhero feats of self-control to not discuss politics or religion. But it’s “dangerous ground even for family members,” Schweitzer said.
“It’s a lot worse if you have drastically different views from your close family members or if one person is unwilling to compromise their viewpoints. Try to stay away from discussing these topics in detail — it can only bring bitterness.”
DON’T: Disrespect their lifestyles
You might have a cousin who can’t stop talking about their new vegan diet, or an older relative who tends to blab when they drink.
“Refrain from criticizing or making harsh comments on it,” Schweitzer said. “It will only make them angry and hurt. Unless it’s a life-threatening issue, try to respect their way of living and personal choices.”
Schweitzer said it’s OK to share advice if asked but try not to do so from the top of a soapbox.