Apparently, More is merrier
This open marriage memoir is bound to be passed slyly from friend to friend
More: A Memoir of an Open Marriage Molly Roden Winter
Doubleday
Let's get this out of the way right now: This book is a scorcher.
More: A Memoir of Open Marriage is bound to be passed furtively from friend to friend and gobbled up after the kids go to bed. It will make for an electrifying book club pick, inciting debate over what marriage means.
Is monogamy the entire point?
Is love? Does wanting your partner to be happy include finding happiness in the arms (and bed) of another person? Where does loyalty come into play — not just loyalty to a relationship or a partner, but loyalty to one's own self?
More explores these questions — and more.
You'd be forgiven for being a bit cynical, as I was, when I read that the author, Molly Roden Winter, lives in Brooklyn's Park Slope neighbourhood. (Doesn't everyone in Park Slope — or any liberal neighbourhood in a blue state — have an open marriage these days?) But as the book unfolds, it becomes clear that location matters less than the common elements you'd expect to find when a couple decide to open their marriage: jealousy, lust, insecurity, blowups, letdowns, relentless self-examination — and a lot of therapy.
Winter is 10 years into her relationship with her husband, Stewart, when she storms out after he returns from work “early,” at almost 9 p.m., when she's been home with their two kids all day. Her exit will feel familiar to a lot of mothers, as she leaves unshowered and without her wallet. She runs into a former colleague who is younger, single and child-free. The author accepts an offer to come along for drinks with friends, and it's here that everything is set in motion: Winter meets Matt, a younger, deep-voiced, green-eyed temptation to stray. One, we find out later, who is cheating on his girlfriend. (Most of the names and identifying details have been changed for privacy.) Eventually, Winter branches out to hookups via Ashley Madison, a dating app with the tagline “Life is short. Have an affair.” Dedicated ethical nonmonogamists will no doubt take issue with the unethical start to this open relationship, but sex is messy in all the ways, and Winter's experience is no different.
Winter never shies from the truths and challenges of a longterm relationship, specifically a heterosexual monogamous marriage: the hard-won history and simmering resentment, the ease of a shared sexual shorthand yet the hunger for something different, too. Divorce is never on the table. Winter and her husband don't open their marriage as a way to fix it, and throughout the book, they profess their love for each other. Stewart had told Winter, before they were engaged, that one day, she would be attracted to and want to have sex with another man. He told her that this would be fine with him, as long as she told him everything. And now here they are.