Bring back the Walnut Crunch, eh?
Just in time for Canada Day — our 150th edition — comes the results of a wideranging survey measuring the attitudes and ideas of the people of our great country on everything from who they’d like to break bread with to their true feelings about beavers to whether our prime minister really is all that and a bag of (ketchup) chips.
If you are an actual Canadian, this might all seem a little cliché. But hey, if we’re going to celebrate ourselves, we have to start somewhere. For many of us, we might start by apologizing for celebrating ourselves too enthusiastically. We love Canada. Canada is awesome. Sorry, was that too much?
Of all the Canadian stereotypes out there, saying sorry might be the one that rings most true. We really do apologize way too profusely and, really, in totally inappropriate circumstances. I once held a door for someone but it was one of those times where they were kind of far away and then felt a bit rushed to get to the door with me holding it, so I felt the need to say sorry. For holding the door.
I’ve had a spitty talker spit right on me and I apologized for being in the way of the spray. There’s a long list of things I’ve apologized for: ordering the broiled haddock; asking someone to pass the salt; asking for a napkin at the drive-thru; walking down a hallway and almost sort of getting in someone else’s way but not really. Sorry, sorry, sorry and sorry. We’re kind of weirdos this way.
The Ipsos poll, commissioned by Historica Canada, contains all sorts of interesting nuggets. (FUN FACT: Chicken McNuggets were not invented by a Canadian.) One interesting finding from the polling is that there was little consensus. Answers were as wide ranging and diverse as Canada itself. It’s like the pollsters just walked into an average Tim Hortons anywhere in the country at 10:30 a.m., tossed out a question then ducked as the reactions flew at them fast and furious.
What Canadian would you most like to dine with? Justin Trudeau! No way, Celine Dion! You’re all crazy — Sir John A. for sure! Bring back the Walnut Crunch, you monsters! Sorry. That was me.
The poll also asked for a simple, oneword answer to the question: what single word would describe Canada?
I like one-word answers but this is a tough one. Responses were pretty good. Freedom was a big one. Home was right up there. Also on the list were Awesome, Great and Beautiful (which I would say is synonymous with Beauty as in, “I once saw Bill eat eight lobsters off an all-youcan-eat seafood buffet. What a beauty.”)
I don’t know what word I would use. Some other choices included Diversity and Multicultural. This hits me right in the Home, where we have built a cultural mosaic of animals — a dachshund from Germany, a Havanese dog from Cuba and a part-Himalayan cat. Of course they’re all actually from within a 45-minute radius but they still have their unique heritage.
What other words speak to Canada? I think of Canada and I think Pride or Pristine or Canoe.
I also can’t shake Poutine. A lot of non-Canadians think we eat this stuff all the time. I know a lot of people love poutine but to be honest, I’m not a big fan. I would probably like it because I like anything, especially if it has gravy on it, but I would never order a poutine. It’s too much. Fries with cheese curds and gravy? No good can come from this mixture. If you eat one of these things, it’s going to put you in a coma and that’s if you’re lucky. The only time poutine might seem like a good idea to me would be after a few delicious Canadian beverages — maybe cold beers or Seven and Sevens or a Caesar or two — and then all you’re going to accomplish is letting a $5 plate of curds and gravy ruin a decent buzz.
Another interesting poll item is the revelation that one-third of Canadians actually hate hockey. In my household that number skews higher in that I am the one-third who actually likes hockey. We are unanimous, however, in our opinions about the smell of my goalie gear with 100 per cent of respondents disapproving.
I’ve apologized profusely, of course.