Hoodwinked on eBay: A cautionary tale

How the online sale of a dog ovulation detector can go horribly awry

Dear person whose job is to read complaints about eBay at eBay corporate counsel:

Allow me to get something out of the way right off the bat: this is regarding the sale of an item on eBay with no dignity. Sure, I could have sold an antique vase or digital camera (mint!), but no: I’m writing about the sale of a dog ovulation detector. How I came to have a dog ovulation detector in my possession doesn’t bear repeating; suffice it to say that about a decade ago I experienced a weak (and probably over-caffeinated) moment of poor career planning that, thankfully, came to naught. Henceforth the dog ovulation detector in question shall be referred to as The Item.

The Item, being in “new, unused condition” (thank God), quickly drew the attention of several buyers eager to “buy it now.” Who knew that there were so many female canines in the world whose ovulation was in doubt?

The Item sold to an H. Gomez whose location is listed as Miami, Florida. I received an email from eBay — a hard copy of a screen shot of this email is attached. (The irony of sending, via post, a paper copy of a screen shot is not lost on me. Nor, I trust, is it lost on you, given its likely ubiquity in your day-to-day life. What does it say about our digital culture that the last line of defence in eBay mishaps is paper mail? But I digress.)

You’ll note from the screen shot that the “buyer’s shipping address” is in Miami, belonging to S. Portacarrero. The buyer sent me $200 via PayPal and asked me to put The Item in the mail right away! This was a dog ovulation emergency! Because my printer was out of ink, I scribbled down the buyer’s shipping address as identified by the email from eBay, and put it in the mail without a shipping label. This, it turns out, was a tragic error.

The “buyer’s shipping address” was not the buyer’s shipping address. Apparently, if I’d chosen to print a shipping label I would have found out that the buyer actually wanted to ship The Item to another person entirely in Texas.

Once I sent the tracking number to Mr. Gomez (screen shot attached), he started a chargeback process at PayPal, the claim of which was that the purchase was not authorized. Despite the fact that I provided ample evidence in the form of messages from Mr. Gomez to me via my eBay account to establish that yes, he did buy the item and was fully aware and authoritative concerning the purchase, his credit card company found against me.

I tried to phone Mr. Gomez using the phone number on his eBay account in an effort to resolve the issue, but the Miami phone number does not belong to him. That’s right! Though he has three names and addresses on his eBay account, the single phone number is wrong!

Unwilling to believe that I’d being so cruelly hoodwinked, I sent another message to Mr. Gomez. He confirmed that yes, Ms. Portacarrero had received The Item. HUZZAH! I was saved! I asked him if she would send it to Texas and I would happily pay the shipping costs! He agreed! Screenshots attached!

This was the last I heard from Mr. Gomez.

I am trying to accept all of this and move on. Perhaps it’s my karmic punishment for even considering using a device that helps people play God with dogs’ reproductive cycles. I don’t know. But here are the things that US$200 would buy in my Canadian world:

• One week at a really good summer day camp for one of my FIVE children. Yes, FIVE children.

• About 60 bars of organic cheddar cheese for my eldest daughter, who acts like that stuff is heroin.

• THIRTY paperbacks for my kids, who read compulsively BECAUSE I DON’T LET THEM HAVE ANY SCREEN TIME. I AM A REALLY GOOD MOTHER, EBAY LEGAL PERSON!

Here’s the thing: I got an email that identified the “buyer’s shipping address,” and that’s where I sent The Item. The buyer acknowledged that one of the people listed on his eBay account got The Item. All the information I was sent via email and account updates listed three possible buyers/recipients, three buyer/recipient addresses, one seller location and two shipping addresses. Perhaps there should be some streamlining in this area.

I’ve spent hours on the phone, explaining and re-explaining this farce to a series of eBay employees. Perhaps someone, somewhere in this giant corporation could please say, “Yes, we sent her that message, which identified Miami as the buyer’s shipping address.”

In anticipation of that blessed event, I solemnly promise to never, ever use eBay again.