Married a thousand times (he’s the Rabbi)
The best place for a memorable wedding? A beach at sunset
Rabbi Scott Colbert has married more than 1,000 couples during the past 45 years in many states and countries, including Costa Rica and Israel.
“I’m at the point where I’m marrying the children of the parents I married three or four decades ago,” said Colbert, who is 71 and recently retired. Both a rabbi and cantor, he started his career in the 1970s in San Antonio at Temple Beth El.
He later spent 30 years in Atlanta, completing his career as head rabbi at Temple Emanu-El there.
In August, he and his wife, Karen Abrams Colbert, who reside in Sandy Springs, Georgia, celebrated their 50th anniversary. Today he still marries approximately 50 couples a year.
Q: What differentiates you from other rabbis?
A: All couples need some counselling. I adhere to a 168-question survey. It’s a psychological examination that looks at 12 to 14 different areas: financial planning, communication skills, closeness, flexibility, family, each other, expectations of marriage, and sexual compatibility. They take the quiz separately, but we go over the answers together. It gets issues out on the table so that they can avoid problems later.
Q: Where are the most interesting wedding locales?
A: Lakes, hotels, wineries and ski slopes. The nicest are the beaches at sunset. I’ve been flown to Disney World. It’s hard to be serious when Mickey Mouse is in your face.
Q: What makes you uncomfortable?
A: A wedding is a holy moment. Guests are snapping photos. You try to explain this is a time when people are uniting their lives and being guided together. It’s not always a time for photos. I’ve had the bride and groom extend the kiss a little too long and that makes people very uncomfortable. Dancing down the aisle, however, is great.
Q: Is there something you include in every wedding?
A: I know rabbis who do cartwheels down the aisle after the pronouncing. I’m not like that. I’m warm, companionate and serious. Two weeks before a couple marry, I ask them to write a love letter to each other, which they open the morning of the wedding. I’ve asked them to send me a copy in advance. I always check to make sure they’ve read it, and I usually incorporate something from their letters into the sermon. Sometimes it’s funny; sometimes it’s serious. It’s an excellent exercise in communication for them and it gives me a bit of insight into their personalities. Couples enjoy doing it, and they like it when I use their own words during the ceremony.
Q: Do you stay in touch with the couples you marry?
A: Each year I mail or email 200 or 300 anniversary cards.
Q: What marital advice do you offer?
A: I encourage the couple to remember why you fell in love. What brought you two together, not what’s tearing you apart. It’s a life choice that you’re making. You need to forgive, have a sense of humour and to show love for the other person. The wedding is a half-hour in a person’s life, but it’s the marriage that’s important. The ceremony is going to be beautiful, but building your lives together is more important.
Q: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve experienced?
A: I performed a wedding at the foot of Camelback Mountain in Phoenix and a rattlesnake slid down the aisle. Another time a bee kept circling my nose and on the ‘Amen’ I slammed the rabbi’s manual book together — with the bee in the middle of it.
Q: Do you remember the first time you officiated?
A: I was 27. It was the summer of 1973. I was in Texas and had only been at the congregation for two weeks. The bride was exceedingly pregnant. They wanted the child to be the product of a married couple. Back then that was still very important. Right after exchanging of the rings her water broke under the huppah. I’d prepared a nice sermon, which we skipped, and finished the ceremony quickly. He stepped on the glass. Then I went right to, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now go to the hospital.”