My first resolution is ‘stop procrastinating’

I was going put together some New Year’s resolutions this week but I didn’t get around to it.

The only one I could come up with was “stop procrastinating.”

I am a chronic, almost serial procrastinator. Let’s take this column as an example. I’ve known for a week when it was due. I could have started it a day or two after I finished the last one, chipped away at it until it was done, then polished and perfected it. It would have been easy and stress free.

Instead, I waited until the morning after my deadline and even then, spent a few hours surfing the internet, making various food and drink items and basically doing very little of consequence.

I did Google “procrastination” at one point, but that led me on an interesting, albeit largely useless, tangent researching the 1804 duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton.

In addition to gunning down Hamilton, Burr is the author of the quintessential quote on procrastination, a unique twist on the dull advice that tut-tutting disciplined people give to slackers like me: “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.”

But Burr added his nifty addendum in reference to that arrogant bit of advice: “It is a maxim for sluggards. A better reading of it is, ‘Never do today what you can as well do tomorrow,’ because something may occur to make you regret your premature action.’”

Burr captures the essence of my troubles quite nicely. Like most avid procrastinators, I don’t think about my aversion to doing certain things as procrastination but, simply, as my process. If I do things differently — particularly when it comes to the delicate art of writing — then I run the risk of robbing myself of a potentially better idea or entirely screwing up the whole thing.

Which is, of course, a load of finely crafted bollocks, a rationalization for a bad, unproductive habit.

And what better way to halfheartedly attack a fatal personality flaw than to slap it onto a list of New Year’s resolutions?

While we’re at it, I’ve got a few more things that should probably be added to the list. I need to lose about 20 pounds so I can go from bring an old, fat, slow cyclist to being an old, slow cyclist. I need to drink less red wine and eat less red meat and use less blue language. And I need to start being nice to people on a more consistent basis.

How hard is it just to give people the benefit of the doubt, to chuckle at the less-than-occasional bouts of stupidity and selfishness I witness on a seemingly daily basis?

Yeah, that’s going to be a tough one.

But that’s what New Year’s resolutions are for: to set up unrealistic expectations only to realize that nothing in my life is going to substantially change. Given that scenario, it’s probably best to put off doing anything for a while, just to be safe.

Drew Edwards can be reached at drew@drewedwards.ca. Probably.

‘‘ Like most avid procrastinators, I don’t think about my aversion to doing certain things as procrastination but, simply, as my process.