Love of obituaries shows your love of life
Q I’m a woman, early 40s, who routinely reads the obituary pages in newspapers — including my own city’s newspaper and that in The New York Times.
I’m not unwell, nor expecting that people close to me will pass on in the near future ... though like many unfortunate people, I lost an elderly aunt in a seniors home and a health compromised neighbour to COVID-19 in early stages of the pandemic — a very sad time for everyone who lost someone dear.
I’m also not a morbid person fascinated by death or fear of it ... not at this age, and hopefully never.
The truth is that I read the obits because I appreciate the rich fabric of a life that someone’s lived with purpose and adventure, achieving personal growth in their own humanity and appreciation of others, even if they’re strangers to me.
Above all else I get from these mini-profiles is the joy when reading about someone who embraced a love that didn’t fade throughout their years — whether for a partner, dear friend, colleague, mentor, and all the grandchildren within their caring circle. I know of some people who joke that they only read those profiles to congratulate themselves that they’re not on the page. “There’s still time ahead,” my late grandmother used to say.
But I conclude differently, feeling that “the time is now.”
Age 43 is ahead — still young, but requiring more thought on how to be the person I want to read about when it becomes my time.
If I love, it must be deeply. If I care about others, I must show it — whether through simple statements, a helping hand, or being charitable where and when there’s need.
What do you think about my fascination with obituaries? Is it really just a nosy interest in strangers I’ll never know?
Looking Ahead by Reading the Past
A You’re not alone in your fascination with the lives of those who’ve truly “lived” throughout their years.
It’s a way of recognizing what’s possible now, especially while at an age of energy and good health, and committing to blazing your own trail forward.
Keep reading those insights in the obituaries — how, from distant origins, courageous people emigrated to unknown places, with little knowledge of their new surroundings and even less help.
Yet despite some reaching material success, it’s the stories of the many who enriched the lives of others, that are the most inspiring.
Q: My once-best friend from university recently pretended to not recognize me. We were both attending the 20-year anniversary of our graduating class but I hadn’t expected she’d be there as she lives out of town.
Our old friendship had withered when she’d said that a newer friend of mine whom she’d met once was “a phoney,” and “dangerous” with others’ husbands.
Well, that maligned woman has remained a trusted close friend!
Why would someone with whom I once lived in a small dormitory room and shared hours studying together pretend that I looked completely different — with a negative meaning, as in “you’ve had a lot of work done.”
Wrong. I’d become fitter after having my second child, and most people say I look better for it!
What’s Her Problem?
A: She’s no friend to you, being bitter and/or jealous about something. Her nasty insult about your other friend prompts the question: What prompted the “husbands-beware” warning?
The only good news: She lives out of town.