Returning fruit for refund an opportunity wasted

Here’s something I never thought I’d do, ever. It’s one of those things that if I could tell 21-year-old me that I would be doing at 52, that 21-year-old would just about die.

Hey, 21-year-old me, guess what? In 30-ish years you’re going to be the kind of guy who walks into a store with a bag full of green, seedless grapes and you’re going to ask for a refund.

Ya, sure, right, 52-year-old me. Good one. You are hilarious. Glad to see you’ve still got it at your age. Returning fruit? Who does that? No one, that’s who.

Let me explain — to 21-yearold me and anyone out there who is judging — why I was in the right to return my grapes. We brought them home, washed them and ate them and they were mushy. Not just a little squishy. They were mushy gross, like, I don’t even know. Like the consistency of mashed potato or wet birthday cake but in a grape skin.

My wife first reported the mushy grapes and I thought she was exaggerating. I ate one and tried to convince myself they weren’t that bad. I had another and gagged a little.

A while later, after letting them chill, I tried one more. Nope.

Mushy.

The other factor in the great grape return is that grapes are not cheap.

Grapes used to be sneaky expensive because they’d have a sign beside them that said something like $2.47, but when you got the bag to the cashier they rang in at $12.99 because the price sign was per pound or per kilo or whatever.

When I was younger and new to being an adult grocery shopper, a cashier kindly leaned over to me and asked if I really wanted those grapes. I said, “Yes, I do.” She pointed out that my bag of grapes was $18. I dropped them like they were a live grenade. I just assumed that a package on the shelf was roughly the weight they were sold at. I thought I was getting a great deal. I was very wrong.

So, when I recently made a luxury purchase of a package of grapes and brought them home mushy, I wasn’t going to sit back and do nothing.

Logistically I wasn’t sure how to handle this. I’ve returned stuff before but never fresh produce. What if they challenged me and said the grapes were fine when they left the store? What if they got on the store intercom and announced that this doofus wanted a refund on his grapes and all the other customers started mocking me?

None of these fears materialized. They took my mushy grapes back for a refund with hardly any questions.

I wanted to see what they would do with them, but I couldn’t tell. I hope they didn’t put them back on the shelf like they do with returned frying pans or sweatpants.

It is kind of a waste though. Maybe when life handed me mushy grapes I should have made grape jelly?

We waste enough food — even when it isn’t defective.

A recent article says Americans waste 32 per cent of their food at a cost of $1,600 (U.S.) per year per family. It just goes in the trash.

There are simple things we can do to help — like stick to a shopping list so we don’t impulse buy more food than we can eat.

Even though it’s frowned upon and possibly considered stealing — maybe we should also all get the green light to sample our fruit in store. From kiwis to pineapples to melons — don’t buy before you try!

Then there are extreme foodsaving strategies — such as using so-called waste as ingredients in other foods. One that I just read about is “pulled pork” that is actually “pulled banana peels.”

The recipe claims that with the right spice, sauce and heat, banana peels make a great pulled pork substitute.

I’m all for reducing waste, but I’m not mentally prepared to start eating garbage. Still, knowing that people are eating banana peels makes me feel even more guilty about returning grapes.

I could have made wine or raisins or if banana peels can be pulled pork, maybe my grapes could have been chili or bacon. Maybe I got my refund but did it cost me an opportunity?