Mending a marriage certainly worth a try
Just like Humpty Dumpty, not everyone can put things “back together again.”
Life, and its many diverse personal connections, is more complicated in today’s world.
That’s why “mending” a marital relationship is more than just agreeing to disagree, which can lead to painful feelings on both sides.
It’s also why mending your most important relationship is essential for a couple to do together.
Oddly enough, I was reminded of that core belief just days ago, while waiting in a crowded lineup.
A smiling, self-confident young woman standing ahead of me in line chatted easily and mentioned her great happiness at being newly married. She also said proudly that the newlyweds had already created the habit of having a ‘date night’ together, every week.
How smart is that? Very.
Date nights are almost essential during some periods of married life. They provide time for catch-up conversations, plus heart-to-heart moments to express love and happiness together.
Meanwhile, behind me in line were a young couple alternately carrying and walking their restless baby. It took each parent to soothe and walk him about. It was reassuring to see this couple working together, without friction or hesitation, in this apparent next stage of their relationship.
As couples head into the longterm, with all the interruptions of life involved, communication is the main key to long-term relationship success.
As example: I know a couple who, when one feels aggrieved on some issue, go out for a walk together to discuss the situation calmly. They leave their home behind with all that it means to their relationship and walk and talk openly. The problem is aired and can be resolved before it quietly festers over the weeks and years.
Need more “connection time” than your workload and commitments allow? Remember this: Your partnership is most important, from a marital and family perspective.
Many new couples soon face demanding workplaces, rising living costs and some dissatisfactions with what they expected from marriage.
My suggestion, from years of writing about relationship issues, is that couples should not shy away from ups and downs in communicating with each other. Instead, recognize that married couples often have periods of pressures including demands on time coming from work, children, schools, older relatives and community.
Seek the help you need. Yes, there’s some expense involved in finding a professional relationship therapist, and time needed to work on the problems discussed.
I am not a therapist. I have a background in social services and have worked in this area of relationship issues for many years. I strongly believe if you recognize the need and want to enhance/improve your marriage you can make it happen.
Remember: If children are part of a potential breakup, there may be layers of emotions which the whole family must acknowledge and hopefully learn to heal, especially if confronting major life changes. Just walking out the door in anger, by contrast, only stokes the fires of months and years of hurt feelings, lost trust and outright anger at the person you once felt you loved deeply.
It’s not easy to mend a marriage that’s already slipping away. But ‘mending a marriage’ can offer new perspectives and hope.
Humpty Dumpty can’t put a couple back together. You can.