Multiples: More challenge, more fun
Group helps parents cope with juggling twins and more
When it comes to small creatures, Paul Goulet has never been one to be easily rattled. As the owner of Little Ray’s Reptile Zoo in Ottawa, Goulet is surrounded by lizards, tarantulas and snakes every day.
So when he and his wife Sheri learned they were expecting triplets, they took it in stride, confident they could easily handle the human additions to their full and happy household.
“We’re pretty resourceful people,” explains Goulet. “We’re not the kind of people who would normally join a group or an association to figure out how to do something.”
But at the encouragement of close friends who had delivered twins, he and Sheri decided to register for Multiple Expectations, the prenatal education program offered by the Multiple Birth Families Association (MBFA) of Ottawa/gatineau. Goulet says it was the best decision they made in preparing for the arrival of their three preemies.
“It was just outstanding,” Goulet says of the course. “You talk to people who have been there and know the reality of what it’s like to deliver multiples, which very frequently involves a stay at the neonatal intensive care unit. Being prepared before you go through it is a major asset.”
The course is just one of the resources available through the MBFA (mbfa.ca). A volunteer-run organization — it celebrated its 50th anniversary last year — the MBFA is a chapter of Multiple Births Canada ( multiplebirthscanada.org), and offers information and ongoing support to families of twins, triplets, and more.
Olga Kutikov, outgoing president of the MBFA, says one of the main challenges of parenting multiples is that you simply “don’t have enough hands.” She paints a picture of a mother trying to comfort two babies at the same time.
“It’s very difficult to hold two babies at the same time and walk with them up and down the hall when they are both crying,” explains Kutikov, who had a singleton, Edward, now 7, and then gave birth to twins Karina and Andrew, now 4.
“Even a trip to a playgroup proved to be very challenging, because I would have two kids who would want to go in different directions and there was only one of me.
“When we started going to playgrounds with all three kids, they would all run in different directions. Now that was challenging.”
While some parents might argue that raising young children who are close in age is just as difficult, Kutikov believes there are some challenges unique to parents of multiples.
“Even if people have two young children, there is still usually at least nine months difference between them. Usually you can get a nine monthold child interested in a toy or something while you are feeding the younger baby.
“With twins, it all comes at the same time. Honestly, I can’t even imagine how our parents of triplets do it — and quadruplets is even harder.”
From its modest beginnings as the Ottawa Twins Parents Association, the MBFA has grown exponentially and was renamed in 2000 to reflect families that have more than just two babies at one time.
“Right now, we have over 400 families,” says Kutikov of the association, which serves Eastern Ontario and West Quebec.
She and her husband Dmitry discovered the association shortly after the twins’ birth. “For us, it was a life saver. When we joined, we found we were stuck at home with no sleep. It was very hard for the first three to six months.”
The monthly social gatherings — an evening out for moms and a separate evening excursion for dads — allowed Olga and Dmitry to take breaks from their demanding new roles as parents of twins.
“I think the most important thing is that you find out you’re not alone; you get moral and emotional support,” says Kutikov, adding that there are usually between 10 and 20 women at each outing. “Everyone who is there is basically feeling exactly the same way you are.”
As the children grow from infants to preschoolers, the friendships among parents evolve as well.
“I still have my friends who come to moms’ night out every month,” says Kutikov. “The only difference is that now my kids are going to kindergarten, so my questions tend to be about the school bus instead of problems with breastfeeding.”
While the women meet at a coffee shop for caffeine and conversation, the men usually head to a bar for a drink and a round of pool, says Kutikov.
In addition to monthly outings for parents, the MBFA hosts a Christmas party and a summer picnic. But perhaps what the association is best known for is its Twins and More sale offering gently used kids’ clothing, equipment and toys. The sale takes place twice a year.
“Parents of multiples usually have a list of things that they need and at this sale they can almost certainly find it. It’s also a great place for parents to sell things they no longer need,” says Kutikov.
Looking forward, Kutikov says the MBFA is aiming to increase the number of social events it offers to its members throughout the year, such as family outings to museums and other attractions.
“We always try to give our member families opportunities that they wouldn’t have on their own, or that would be expensive,” she says.
Now that the Goulet family are members, there was an excursion planned to Little Ray’s Reptile Zoo last month. The event was free admission by donation. The money collected was given to the MBFA’S Christmas hamper program, which assists member families who are struggling financially with food and gift card donations during the holidays.”
Hamper recipients are often MBFA members who are new to Canada, as well as singleparent families, says Kutikov.
“Helping out two or three member families every year is our way of giving back to the community,” she explains. “As a volunteer-run organization with no funding, we are not in a position to help everyone financially.
“We get a lot of calls from area hospitals asking for help that, unfortunately, we just can’t provide.”
But the members certainly do all they can to help each other through the multiple perils of multiple parenting.
“Make no mistake; they really want to help other parents and be there for them,” Paul Goulet says.
Now that his triplets — son Walter and daughters Raelynn and Hope — are 14 months old, Goulet says the challenges of parenting are ever changing. “They are learning to share now. And we’re trying to teach them not to bite each other.”
Perhaps his trio of playful triplets isn’t so different from his reptile friends after all.