THE NEW RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
For men popping the question at this time of the year, what will be in that ring box — and how should she wear it?
The new year is one of the most popular times to contemplate the big, meaningful questions in life — namely, will you marry me?
Between December and February, it’s open season for engagements (with Valentine’s Day being a last-chance cutoff for those wanting a summer wedding). According to one survey of 10,000 Britons, 40 per cent of single men popped the question over the holidays, with a further 47 per cent planning to do so by Feb. 14.
But for those expecting a traditional proposal, with a round-cut solitaire white-gold diamond ring, the odds are stacked against you. The rules for choosing, offering and then wearing an engagement ring have never been more complex.
Engagement code used to dictate that rings were restricted to the left hand, fourth finger — so chosen because Ancient Romans believed a vein (the vena amoris, or “vein of love”) ran through this finger, leading directly to the heart.
Tell that to Serena Williams. Newly engaged to Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian, she was recently spotted wearing her white-gold band on both her left and — shock horror — her right hand during training. Recently, the TV series Sherlock reminded us that some widows switch their ring to a different finger after a spouse’s death.
Mariah Carey also tore up the rule-book by continuing to wear her US$9.85-million rock for weeks after she split from her billionaire fiancé, James Packer.
It’s not just about which finger you wear your ring on; fast gaining traction in the U.S. are so-called midi rings, worn below the knuckle, in between the two finger joints.
“Holding ” bands are increasingly popular with would-be grooms who feel they dare not buy the full engagement ring without their partner’s approval. However, actress Mila Kunis went one better: Rather than wear the Tiffany engagement ring given to her by her husband, Ashton Kutcher, she bought another one herself — for US$90, from craft website Etsy.
Emelie Tyler, managing director of Purely Diamonds, says that money is no longer key when it comes to an engagement ring — and rather than the groom spending three months’ salary on their sparkler, many brides are happy with as little as a week’s worth.
“People are typically paying much less,” she says. “For those looking to cut costs, we have a range made from palladium, a cheaper version of platinum.”
She puts the reason for scrimping on the engagement ring down to inflated wedding costs — the average wedding is now close to US$31,000 — and couples hoping to get a foot on the property ladder. “A lot of girls will say to the guys that they don’t want them to spend a huge amount of money, because they know how much harder it is to buy a home.”
Women are the driving force behind the subtle changes to wedding traditions. Whereas a bride previously cooed over whatever she was given, nowadays she knows what she wants.
“And insists on getting it,” adds Daisy Amodio, founder of The Proposers, a service that plans bespoke engagements. She has orchestrated more than 1,000 proposals in the past four years, including flash mobs in Times Square and events in the Swiss Alps.
“Those men who are too nervous to buy an engagement ring will just buy the diamond, then go with their partner to choose the bespoke setting together. I’ve heard of some going down on one knee with a box containing a necklace, earrings or bracelet — even an IOU.”
For those with cash, high settings — such as Pippa Middleton’s threecarat Art Deco-style ring, estimated to have cost US$308,000 — are fast becoming more popular, driven no doubt by social-media-inspired engagement selfies, where big is best. Designed to allow as much light into the ring as possible, with the stone held up “prouder and higher” for optimum exposure, according to Tyler, they are owned by celebrities such as Hilary Swank, Amal Clooney and the late Grace Kelly.
“It is down to personal preference, but a high setting is definitely more showy — and increases the chance the stone will be knocked about,” Tyler says.
Having gone to so much effort (or not) to choose the perfect semi-precious orb, it’s important to capture the moment it’s presented. For that, enter RingCam, a tiny HD camera hidden in a ring box, designed by a US company to record your loved one’s reaction.
Clearly, it’s a Wild West out there so, in the words of John Travolta in Grease, probably best to remember: “The rules are, there ain’t no rules.”