‘Town that fun forgot’ adds to rep with Rink of Rules
Trudeau Liberals’ facility proves it’s a fitting moniker, says Mark Bonokoski.
Back in the late 20th century, celebrated Macleans columnist Allan Fotheringham dubbed Ottawa the “town that fun forgot.” It stuck like gum on a shoe. In the intervening years, however, not much has changed. Compared to Toronto, Ottawa is a quiet enclave, although emergency and police services appear to love their sirens.
Perhaps it’s a way of creating the essence of vibrancy.
Ottawa, home of Parliament Hill, capital of our great nation, is also a town of rules bordering on anal retentiveness.
As if to affirm this diagnosis, the Trudeau Liberals just built a temporary outdoor “Rink of Rules,” smack dab on Parliament Hill with a tremendous view of the Peace Tower, and with the tremendous cost to taxpayers of $5.6 million.
Naturally, it has created a stir, with this temporary rink being physical proof that the Trudeau Liberals are out of touch with average Canadians far from Ottawa, who are left to foot the bill for the capital’s last fling at celebrating the country’s 150th birthday.
That view? Well, as spectacular as it is, if you want to take a selfie on the rink with the Peace Tower in the background, the rules of participation make smartphone possession a no-no.
There are lots of no-nos and must-dos. Passes to take a whirl around the rink — called a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” — must be obtained 48 hours in advance of the skating day, first-come first-served to a maximum of 200 skaters per time slot.
Each session is 45 minutes, and then skaters get the boot. The no-nos? Besides smartphones, there is no food or drink allowed on the rink. No hockey sticks or pucks. No speeding, no figure skating, no roughhousing, and no “inappropriate behaviour.”
There is even a warning that the surface of the rink, get this, “may be icy.”
And, those taking part “must accept the risks as well as the fact that they will not hold Her Majesty the Queen liable for any loss, damage or injury caused by their participation in these activities.”
Did the Queen insist on this? Likely not but, then again, this is Ottawa, where arse covering is an art form.
Besides the extraordinary cost of the Parliament Hill rink, a stink was immediately made when it was first heard that it would only be open from Dec. 7 until New Year’s Eve.
Now it will be open until the end of February.
This is not to say, however, that there are no places for the public to skate in Ottawa, which is near the top of the coldest capitals in the world, with Mongolia’s Ulaanbaatar coming in at No. 1 with an average January temperature of -36 C.
Ottawa, by comparison, is a balmy -14.8 C.
Within a short walk of Parliament Hill is the Rideau Canal, which bills itself as one of the longest skating rinks on the planet.
The annual cost to maintain it is a mere $1.5 million.
A few blocks from the canal, there is an artificial skating rink at Ottawa City Hall, much like at Toronto’s Nathan Phillips Square.
So, it is not as if there was a dire need for a $5.6 million artificial rink on Parliament Hill, complete with a grandstand.
That said, some 32 peewee hockey teams from across the country will compete in a tournament on the Rink of Rules between Christmas and New Year’s.
Hopefully an official photographer will be allowed on the ice in order to take a picture of the champions, with the iconic Peace Tower rising up in the background.
Otherwise, how will players prove they were there?