Time for a sneak at­tack on the love shack

Winnipeg Free Press - SundayXtra - - ENTERTAINMENT -

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I got into swing­ing a cou­ple of years back, af­ter the kids were out of prov­ince at uni­ver­si­ties. We joined a pri­vate group that went to each oth­ers’ cab­ins for sleep­overs. This year my wife started go­ing up to the lake a night or two be­fore me, be­cause she only works part- time. By the time I got there last Satur­day, I sensed some sneaky things had al­ready hap­pened and she was ly­ing her face off. I told her yes­ter­day she couldn’t go to the lake with­out me any more, and this morn­ing she is packed and gone any­way. Her note says, “You don’t own me, and you can’t tell me what to do.” What now? I have de­cided not to go to the lake at all this week­end. — Stub­born, But Not Stupid, Win­nipeg

Dear Stub­born: Stub­bornly stay­ing away from the scene of the crime is not go­ing to help any­thing. Get up to the lake the first night she goes off and ar­rive there unan­nounced. Yes, you will be the skunk at the swing­ing party if she’s en­ter­tain­ing, but too bad. You need to get to the bot­tom of this. If she is not there, don’t leave a note. Drive back and go to work as usual. Then go right back up again af­ter work. Catch her and let her know the cabin isn’t a free space for swing­ing — or hav­ing an af­fair with a man or woman — and you will not stay meekly at home while she plays. Swing­ing is sup­posed to be about cou­ples, truth and open­ness, and her be­hav­iour is not about that any­more.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got out of jail a while ago and my girl­friend doesn’t want me back. She stuck with me all through the jail sen­tence, but now I’m back for real, she doesn’t want to take me in. I’m with my fam­ily. She says she loves me, but is ter­ri­fied of all my old as­so­ciates com­ing near her place. I don’t even see them any more as part of my own re­ha­bil­i­ta­tion. She says she wasn’t scared to com­mu­ni­cate with me when I was in jail be­cause then they wouldn’t be com­ing around her. I asked her if she would come to my par­ent’s house or see me or in a pub­lic place like at The Forks, and she said, “What’s the point of that?” The point is I love her so much. Why did she stay with me through jail and now she doesn’t want to see me and hold me? This hurts. Do you think some­thing else is go­ing on with an­other guy? It’s all I can think about. — Bro­ken Hearted, Win­nipeg

Dear Bro­ken: Some­thing’s amiss. Al­though it’s un­der­stand­able she might not want to live with you for the rea­son stated, it is weird she doesn’t even want to see you in per­son, even once out of cu­rios­ity. Per­haps she didn’t want to aban­don you while you were in prison or force you into a tail­spin if she told you she’d found some­one on the out­side. What was your crime? Is she afraid to be with you for other rea­sons, such as vi­o­lence? And how long were you away? She may have got­ten lonely, con­nected with some­one else and doesn’t dare see you for two rea­sons: 1) She may have promised the new guy not to see you. 2) She may see you and want you back. The truth is hard to face, but eas­ier than not know­ing. Ask her out­right if she has found some­one new and try to be a lit­tle un­der­stand­ing. Re­mem­ber, she didn’t de­serve pun­ish­ment for your crime, such as months and years with­out a part­ner to hold her.

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