Ma­nip­u­la­tive mother doesn’t de­serve olive branch

Winnipeg Free Press - - NEWS - MAU­REEN SCURFIELD MISS LONELYHEARTS geor­gian­i­cols.com

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writ­ing in re­gard to Ner­vous Son. The sit­u­a­tion cre­ated by his mother, who re­peat­edly called to be­rate this 29-year-old son who was hav­ing Easter din­ner with his fi­ancée’s fam­ily, needs a dif­fer­ent ap­proach.

You sug­gested he of­fer to go to coun­selling with his mom, but his mother’s be­hav­iour was ou­tra­geous. Since he has told her he wouldn’t be out to Win­kler for a long time, he would be wise to act on that rather than hold out the olive branch. I think it’s highly likely she will refuse coun­selling any­way, and then what? At the very least he could tell her that vis­it­ing her will be con­di­tional on her ac­cept­ing ther­apy — and then he must main­tain that po­si­tion.

An­other facet of the prob­lem is a hus­band who has tol­er­ated her be­hav­iour. Per­haps he’ll grow a back­bone if he re­al­izes the con­se­quence of en­abling her be­hav­iour is the loss of con­tact with his son. Par­ents who prac­tise this kind of abuse (or any fam­ily mem­bers) need clear mes­sages about what will not be tol­er­ated. The ten­dency to nor­mal­ize be­hav­iour amongst fam­ily mem­bers, that we would never ac­cept from friends or col­leagues, is preva­lent. At some point even kin need to know they can con­clu­sively wear out their wel­come. Also what is his fi­ancée in­ter­nal­iz­ing if she sees that he is not up to deal­ing with a dom­i­neer­ing mother? — Lots to Worry About, Man­i­toba

Dear Lots to Worry About: Ex­cel­lent points. You can bet the mother of his fi­ancée, who was ticked off by the calls she asked him to si­lence his phone, will be talk­ing to her daugh­ter about mar­riage. She will no doubt point out this fu­ture mother-in-law will be a ter­ror if she’s al­lowed to be­have like this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The mother of Ner­vous Son is act­ing like a spoiled brat.

The son found out she was ac­tu­ally fak­ing it when she kept call­ing his fi­ancées parental home to wreck his Easter din­ner there. (His sib­lings re­ported she was just fine at the din­ner at home in Win­kler.) If he doesn’t stand up now and act like an adult man with self-re­spect and the strength to run his own life, when is he go­ing to do it? I think this 29-year-old man should ig­nore his abusive mother un­til she learns there’s a big penalty for her be­hav­iour. She doesn’t de­serve the of­fer of coun­selling.

— Stronger Stand Needed, Win­nipeg

Dear Stronger Stand Needed: Since the cou­ple love each other enough to get mar­ried, maybe they should both con­sider go­ing for coun­selling to­gether, and learn how they can work in tan­dem to han­dle his ma­nip­u­la­tive mother. I strongly sus­pect mama wants to keep her son sin­gle, and under her thumb for­ever. MOON ALERT: Avoid shop­ping or big de­ci­sions af­ter 4:30 p.m. The moon is in Tau­rus.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

You can see new ways to make money or how to earn some­thing on the side. You might also see new uses or ap­pli­ca­tions for some­thing you al­ready own. You will be in­tense and pas­sion­ate about your wealth and as­sets.

TAU­RUS (April 20-May 20)

Re­la­tions with oth­ers are in­tense and mem­o­rable. New re­la­tion­ships that be­gin now will be pas­sion­ate and a bit over the top. (You might get in­volved with some­one you know you should stay away from.) You are so con­vinc­ing in all your ex­changes with oth­ers.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Secret love af­fairs might be­gin now — some­thing wild and crazy. Oth­ers might feel su­per in­tense about an is­sue but be low-key about it or de­cide to be se­cre­tive and say noth­ing. This is the kind of day where se­crets can come out.

CAN­CER (June 21-July 22)

Many of you are in­volved with cre­ative, artis­tic friends at this time. These re­la­tions are in­tense be­cause some­one might want to make over or the other. Never be­lieve the phrase “con­struc­tive crit­i­cism.” Ev­ery­one hates to be crit­i­cized.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

You might have the power to im­prove things for some­one else or for your­self or a group in so­ci­ety. Other Leos might be­come ro­man­ti­cally in­volved in an in­tense way with a boss or some­one in a po­si­tion of au­thor­ity. It’s a juicy day. Ex­pect some­one to ask for your in­put about how to make some­thing look bet­ter.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You iden­tify with your be­liefs, which is why this is a tricky day for dis­cus­sions about con­tro­ver­sial sub­jects such as pol­i­tics, re­li­gion and racial is­sues. You’re con­vinced that you are right be­cause you feel so pas­sion­ately about is­sues.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

This is a hot, sexy day. You feel pas­sion­ately about ev­ery­thing, in­clud­ing fi­nan­cial mat­ters, es­pe­cially where you have to share or di­vide some­thing such as an in­her­i­tance or deal with shared prop­erty. Noth­ing is ca­sual. You want to get to the bot­tom of things. You want the raw truth.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Re­la­tions with part­ners and close friends are warm and yummy. Peo­ple will con­fide in you and vice versa. There’s a sense of want­ing a kind of close­ness you don’t usu­ally feel with oth­ers, which is why a re­la­tion­ship might trans­form you.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Look around you at work to see where you can in­tro­duce im­prove­ments or re­forms. You can def­i­nitely make things bet­ter for your­self and for oth­ers. This same abil­ity to in­tro­duce im­prove­ments into your life can ap­ply to your health or even a pet.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

This is a hot day for ro­mance. You might be­gin a ro­mance with some­one who is ques­tion­able. All is­sues are black and white, es­pe­cially sports, ro­mance, so­cial oc­ca­sions and ac­tiv­i­ties with chil­dren. You mean busi­ness.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Fam­ily con­ver­sa­tions will be in­tense and to the point. Strictly bot­tom-line stuff. This is a good time to make im­prove­ments at home. You can also im­prove fam­ily re­la­tion­ships as well as im­prove where you live. Per­haps you will buy some­thing to im­prove the place.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

You are per­sua­sive and com­pelling. It’s a strong day for those in sales and mar­ket­ing be­cause you can con­vince any­one of any­thing. Good news for those who write, sell, mar­ket, teach and act be­cause you are un­stop­pable. (Use this en­ergy to your ad­van­tage be­cause you’re not this pow­er­ful ev­ery day.)

TO­DAY’S BIRTH­DAY

Ac­tress Jen­nifer Garner (1972) shares your birth­day. You are con­fi­dent and pos­i­tive minded. Re­la­tion­ships are im­por­tant to you. You’ll be glad to learn that this is a year full of ex­cite­ment and stim­u­la­tion. Em­brace change and new op­por­tu­ni­ties. Be pre­pared to act fast. Your per­sonal free­dom will be a top pri­or­ity. You will also travel this year and do things to ex­pand your hori­zons. En­joy this busy, fast-paced year.

DY­LAN HEWLITT / RMTC

Heisen­berg, star­ring Paula Po­to­sky, plays tonight at the Royal MTC Ware­house.

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