Etiquette for the Journey
TRAVELLING BRINGS OUT THE WORST even in the best people. Even taking an elevator can be fraught with etiquette faux pas. And everyone knows airplanes are minefields of bad manners while public transit festers with, well, it just festers. Here’s a quiz to test whether your actions and attitudes in transit should be commended or condemned.
A An airplane armrest is meant to be an arm wrest. You love the game of elbow one-upmanship from take-off to landing.
B You make more room for your morbidly obese seatmate by raising the armrest between you.
A You paid good money for the airplane seat, it reclines and you’re entitled to push it back as far as it’ll go and then wait to see what happens because that’s the best entertainment there is on a flight.
B You volunteer to move to a middle seat at the back of the plane so a couple can sit together in your row near the front, which has only two seats and nobody in the other one.
A People who take the elevator to the second floor are lazy louts who should be using the stairs instead of delaying your ride, and they deserve your dirty looks.
B The best thing about Canadian weather is that you can talk about it to strangers in the elevator.
A The reason cars have horns is to startle the driver in front of you to get his gas going the instant before the light turns green.
B Live and let live is your guiding motto behind the wheel.
A Pedestrians are people who have a death wish.
B Instead of making cars wait while you stroll across the crosswalk, you let them go first because, after all, they move faster than you do.
A Anyone who obstructs or slows a cyclist in any way is promoting the destruction of the planet.
B As a cyclist, you realize that a bicycle is no match for a car, and a pedestrian is no match for a bicycle, and you always act accordingly.
A Time spent on buses and streetcars is wasted unless you clip your nails, eat a burger with onions or thoroughly investigate your nostrils.
B You wouldn’t do anything on public transportation that you wouldn’t do in the presence of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
A A huge protruding backpack is a legal weapon for getting people to back off and keep their distance on crowded conveyances.
B You use only a small, compact umbrella and make sure it’s always out of anyone’s way.
A The point of having two seats together on public transportation is so you can sit on the aisle and park your stuff on the other seat.
B You offer your seat to anyone who is older, looks tired or is carrying something heavy, including a pot belly.
A It’s bad karma to have a car in front of you on the highway, so you speed up, pass and then slow down again after you pull in front of it.
B You always signal when changing lanes and if someone else signals, you let them in, no matter how much traffic is backed up. And you don’t even expect a gesture of appreciation.
If you chose 6 or more
(b) answers, you’re behaving the way the world thinks Canadians always behave.
If you chose all (b) answers, you may want to consider assertiveness training. If you chose 6 or more (a) answers, please stay home. If you chose all (a) answers, turn yourself in to the authorities NOW.