Dowry Tradition Should Be Changed

Traditionally, in Rwanda and many other parts of the world, dowry is considered as a token of appreciation given by the groom to the bride’s family. Normally, the groom gifts one cow but in some parts, more cows are gifted.

For many years, this gift by the family of the groom has acted as a way to thank the bride’s family for having raised their daughter with good cultural values and morals. It is also a way to enhance the bonding between two families. Gifting a cow itself is considered the best way of showing friendship between the donor and the receiver.

Culturally, the bride’s family could also donate the cow to the groom’s family after receiving it, as a gesture of friendship. The dowry giving was a good symbol then and created no burden on the groom’s family, as in most cases the cow was owned by the family.

However, as time went by, cow gave way to money as the form of dowry, whereby the groom is required to pay a certain amount of money. As there is no law regulating how much money should be given, it has remained in hands of the groom and the bride, or between their respective families. It sounds commercial and distorts the original purpose of dowry. Sometimes, the amount of money the groom has to pay as dowry is determined by the economic status of the groom or his family. This could be a cause of conflict that lingers on even after the marriage.

Besides, dowry in the form of money has the appearance of the bride being sold by her own family to live with a loved partner. This is not something one can encourage. But again, as it is something that the government can hardly control, it will always be a controversial topic in any country.

Dowry in modern society has evolved and become like a payment to get married with someone. That, however, does not mean that dowry giving is an evil custom that must be phased out. There is a need for societies to rethink and change the way dowry is given to preserve the tradition that can enhance the bonds between the two families.

Whether the dowry is given in the form of a cow/cows or cash, in my opinion, it can still play a positive role. But it must be left for the couple to decide what and how much it should be, without external influence, be it from the families or elsewhere.