Weddings ceremonies cash in on red envelopes

My post-graduate course will end after three months. Some of my schoolmates prepare for an overseas trip to make their school life more meaningful and memorable. However, I’m worried about my limited savings as I have to keep aside some amount to be put in red envelopes for gifting to friends who marry after my graduation.

There is a tradition in China which dictates that a hongbao (wads of cash stuffed in a red envelope) should be offered to the newlyweds by guests at a wedding. This tradition started during the Ming Dynasty (13681644). Back in the old days, an ordinary family could not afford a wedding. So their relatives and friends would raise money to support them and give a boost to the start of their life together. Placing cash in a red envelope symbolized happiness and good luck.

Later, when those who gave the dole had an important event in their life, such as a wedding or funeral, the couple would give money back to support them. The tradition was meant to provide mutual help.

However, times have changed. The quality of life has improved remarkably and most Chinese families leading a moderately prosperous life can afford to hold a wedding. But the tradition has held.

Surprisingly, hongbao amounts are also on the rise. The amount of money I would gift the newlyweds starts from 200 yuan ($31.60) and can go up to 1,000 yuan based on the closeness of our friendship. So far, five wedding invitations have cost me about 2,400 yuan. This has become an eco- nomic burden for me because I haven’t landed a good job to be able to earn a handsome salary. My limited savings from part-time jobs are the only source of hongbao payment.

Receiving a wedding invitation can sometimes become a nightmare, as it seems I’m being asked for money, especially by someone I don’t feel very close to. I felt embarrassed on receiving wedding invitations from some old classmates or college fellows who don’t mean much to me and haven’t seen me for long. They either called or sent me a message on WeChat to inquire whether I could attend their wedding ceremony. So as not to disrespect them, I made up an excuse to explain my absence and gifted them digital red envelopes. Clearly, they just used the wedding as a good chance to collect money from me.

Weddings have become a pain for many young Chinese because of the seemingly weird custom. If you don’t give the couple money, it would imply you are cutting ties. If you follow the custom, you have to reclaim money via a wedding. Perhaps this is an important reason why many parents urge their children to get married as soon as possible.

Besides, it is hard to decide how much money I should give when receiving invitations from acquaintances. Giving too much increases my economic burden but giving less than others may be disrespectful to the host. Sometimes, I have to seek our common friends’ advice on the amount to be gifted.

A wedding ceremony is supposed to be a special occasion where the couple receive blessings from relatives and friends and enjoy a convivial atmosphere. But it has fallen into a vicious cycle of pushing people to give and take. Giving red envelopes doesn’t necessarily reflect the giver’s genuine wish for the newlyweds, but is probably intended at monetary exchange, some of which is not voluntary.

Although the red envelope custom cannot be changed suddenly, we can be flexible. Just identify your close friends and gift money when they get married. More importantly, attend their wedding ceremonies, if possible, to give your best wishes and experience the happy moment together.