Being Pampered Is Not a Blessing
The biggest crisis of being in favor is suddenly falling into disfavor. During a chat with friends, a married man somehow complained about his wife, “God, I really don’t understand women.”
Another guy, with a calm smile on his face, said, “Women are not for understanding, but for adoring.”
Hearing those words, all the ladies around looked at him with admiration, making him the most charming man of the night.
This scene reminded me of my time in college when my friends and I were looking for our Mr. Right. We always said with a dreamy smile, “I hope to meet a guy who will treat me like a princess.”
Why do women need to be pampered?
For thousands of years, women have been lacking self-confidence, economic independence, and mental freedom in their lives. Their glory and disgrace, their gain and loss, all depend on men. Therefore, being pampered means winning wealth, status, reputation, and power.
“Worry about going out of favor when in favor, and become disconsolate when falling into disfavor.” That is a line from a poem of the Tang Dynasty ( 618907), which describes the lingering nightmare of women in ancient times. This long history, to this day, is still like bondage. Even after the women’s liberation movement, they still desire to be pampered by men so as to prove their charm and satisfy their endless vanity.
Why do men pamper women? It is analogous to the fact that we like to keep pets if we have leisure time and it isn’t too costly. Also, it is out of vanity. Pampering others and being pampered are based on similar psychology.
Pampering women or keeping pets are actually one-way relationships between a superior and subordinate. I do not really envy those pampered women. What I want is understanding in an equal, two-way relationship.
A friend told me that some women just want to be pampered, but they fail to be understood. I certainly know that for some people, even a short-lived experience of being pampered, like fireworks, makes them feel happy. However, being pampered is too passive after all. It is completely subject to others and dependent on others.
For me, I still would rather choose to be understood. I desire to be understood, and I also want to understand the other person in the relationship. I would not be presumptuous in my love, nor be spoiled. If I am helped by my loved one, I want it to be out of understanding rather than indulgence. If I am not supported by my loved one, I would like to hear rational advice that could make up for my shortcomings. Thus, I would feel at ease in such an equal relationship based on mutual respect. ( From SelectedEssays byZhangManjuan , Changjiang Literature and Art Press. Translation: Chen Jiani)