YOU'VE GOT QUESTIONS? SHE'S GOT ANSWERS
(BUT YOU PROBABLY WON'T LIKE THEM)
Dear Ayi, I’ve just took the gaokao and need to choose a major for university. My goal is to make a lot of money. What do you recommend? Ambitious Andy Going to university is浪费时间( l3ngf-i sh!ji`n, a waste of time)! I have several childhood friends who became百万富翁( b2iw3n f&w8ng, millionaires) without wasting a single day in college. They chose to be社会人( sh-hu#r9n, “society persons”), and learned some of the most valuable lessons among江湖( ji`ngh%, “rivers and lakes”), like take shortcuts, cut corners, and get ahead. Granted—quite a few of them are in jail now, but hey,出来混，迟早要还的。( ch$lai h&n, ch! z2o y3o hu1n de. sooner or later, you pay for what you do). In this day and age, you'll get rich quick by borrowing money from your parents and relatives to炒房( ch2of1ng, speculate in real estate). I am sitting on a crappy hutong home within the Second Ring Road that's worth tens of millions, and I sure as heck didn't go to university. So stop asking me愚蠢的( y%ch^n de, stupid) questions! Think about why you really need a higher education—to save you from being脑子进水( n2ozi j#nshu@, “a flooded brain,” moronic), for one.