All I want for Xmas is…?

centre-back, left-back, right-back, attacking midfielder and cover for Kane. Oh, and a trophy would be quite nice. United: Someone in midfield with enough wit to penetrate packed defences, a 20-goal-a-season striker and to get rid of Paul Pogba while reminding Jesse Lingard that he’s not a “promising youngster” anymore. Wolves: Not a lot really other than to keep Adama Traore out of the clutches of drug testers while also keeping bigger clubs from going for him. Sheffield United: Apart from a decent striker, nothing. They’re doing brilliantly and Chris Wilder is my current favourite for manager of the year. Palace: Solid at the back and in the middle, they really do need to get Christian Benteke scoring again or move him on for someone more productive. Arsenal: Where to begin? A new manager, in all probability the untested Mikel Arteta (though I hear that Jeremy Corbyn may be available soon), a top down reshuffle particularly at board level (Sadiq Khan would be a good choice given his success in running London), a pair of centre-backs and for their world-class strikers to sign new contracts. Oh, and a genuine sell-out crowd would be a novelty. Newcastle: A striker, any striker, even just one who’s good for just 10 goals a season would be a massive improvement on what they have at the moment. Burnley: not much wrong up at Turf Moor but a bit of flair wouldn’t go amiss. Brighton: Graham Potter’s doing OK down in Sussex but like a lot of other managers he probably wouldn’t mind finding a striker in his stocking. Bournemouth: Eddie Howe would I’m sure be more than happy for Santa to gift him an empty treatment room and to keep hold of Nathan Ake. West Ham: The ability to put together consecutive wins should see them back into mid-table obscurity, where they and their council house stadium probably deserve to be. Meanwhile the Hammers fans would like to find some binoculars under the tree on Christmas Day. Everton: I’d like to have seen Duncan Ferguson stay as caretaker manager for the rest of the season but Santa will probably bring them a shiny new manager in Carlo Ancelotti and the mediocrity after a short bounce will probably continue on as before. Villa: Someone to score goals and for coach John Terry to instil a backbone into their defence. Southampton: since they stopped being Liverpool’s nursery club they’ve regressed badly, yet I think if Santa was to bestow on them a dominant centre-back and a consistent striker they can survive. Norwich: I don’t think there’s too much wrong at Carrow Road that a full strength squad can’t overcome, so all they really need for Christmas is a bucketload of Tiger Balm and survival is within reach. Watford: The Hornets may be the most dysfunctional club in the Premier League. Already on their third manager of the season, they have scored just nine goals in 17 games and, judging by their otherwise functional performance at Anfield last Saturday, that situation isn’t likely to change any time soon. Best gift from Santa? Road maps to the likes of Reading and Middlesbrough where they’ll probably be going next season. Leeds: A long overdue return to the big time, it really could and should happen this season so fingers crossed. Rangers: A how-to book on topping Celtic, or failing that a tome on how to stave off depression for their fans.

Team of the week

Paulo Gazzaniga, Spurs; Ben Godfrey, Norwich; Christian Kabasele, Watford; Toby Alderweireld, Spurs; Ben Chilwell, Leicester; Eric Dier, Spurs; John Fleck, Sheffield United; Kevin De Bruyne, City; Todd Cantwell, Norwich; Adama Traore, Wolves;

Mo Salah, Liverpool. Manager: Jose Mourinho, Spurs. Player of the week: Kevin De Bruyne. Yes it was against a not surprisingly supine Arsenal but the Belgian gave a masterclass in creative midfield play and his two goals weren’t too sad either.

Festive season big games

Premier League, today 2.30pm: Arsenal v Everton; 5pm Villa v Southampton, Bournemouth v Burnley, Brighton v Sheffield United, Newcastle v Palace, Norwich v Wolves; 7.30pm City v Leicester. Tomorrow: 4pm Watford v United; 6.30pm Chelsea v Spurs. Boxing Day: 2.30pm Spurs v Brighton; 5pm Villa v Norwich, Bournemouth v Arsenal, Chelsea v Southampton, Palace v West Ham, Everton v Burnley, Sheffield United v Watford; 7.30pm United v Newcastle; 10pm Leicester v Liverpool. Friday, December 27: 9.45pm Wolves v City. Saturday, December 28: 2.30pm Brighton v Bournemouth; 5pm Newcastle v Everton, Southampton v Palace, Watford v Villa; 7.30pm Norwich v Spurs, West Ham v Leicester; 9.45pm Burnley v United. Sunday, December 29: 4pm Arsenal v Chelsea; 6:30pm Liverpool v Wolves; 8pm City v Sheffield United. New Year’s Day: 2.30pm Brighton v Chelsea, Burnley v Villa; 5pm Newcastle v Leicester, Southampton v Spurs, Watford v Wolves; 7.30pm City v Everton, Norwich v Palace, West Ham v

Bournemouth; 10pm Arsenal v United. Thursday, January 2: 10pm Liverpool v Sheffield United. Selected Championship, tomorrow: 2pm Sheffield Wednesday v Bristol City. Boxing Day: 7.15pm Leeds v Preston. Sunday, December 29: 5pm Birmingham v Leeds, West Brom v Middlesbrough. New Year’s Day: 7.15pm West Brom v Leeds. Thursday, January 2: 9.45pm Derby v Barnsley. Scotland, Sunday December 29: 2.30pm Celtic v Rangers.

And finally

Last week’s question: at the time of writing six Premier League clubs have former players of their club managing them, who are they? The answers are: Frank Lampard, Chelsea; Freddie Llungberg, Arsenal; Eddie Howe, Bournemouth; Duncan Ferguson, Everton; Chris Wilder, Sheffield United; and Ole Gunnar Solsksjaer, Manchester United. This week: name the two players who have scored for both sides in an FA Cup final. Clue — I was at both games.

I’d like to wish all readers a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, especially those locals who have provided me with many titbits for this column through the year. No malice was meant and hopefully none was taken and I look forward to you guys and gals being the source of much inspiration in the coming year. (Especially the usual suspects.)