UN ‘KER-PLUNK’
IF THE ever produced a long playing vinyl record, entitled “The Cyprus Talks”, you would find it would be full of repeated versions of that great Four Tops hit, “It’s The Same Old Song”.
By track 13, the poor listener would be pulling clumps of hair out in sheer frustration. Cries of “turn the bloody thing off” would be echoing around the room as the now wild-eyed listener is carted off to the padded cell.
As we are now on UN talks failure, track 50, God knows what mental state that poor, abused listener is in. Words escape me (well, almost).
The trouble is, it’s worse than that. Enter UN personal envoy (Cyprus stage left), Maria Angela Holguin Cuellar.
Oh! She’s trying to sing the same old UN song alright, it’s just that she appears to be the only person in the room who doesn’t realise her stylus has stuck in the groove! KER-PLUNK, KERPLUNK, KER-PLUNK!
Not a single new thought escapes her lips (bring back the Four Tops, all is forgiven).
“Dialogue is the only way,” she eventually managed to chirrup. I see. Dialogue? Isn’t that precisely what we have been engaging in for 50 years with no result?
When we have got anywhere near a solution, who are the ones constantly saying “NO”? The Turkish Cypriots? Demonstrably not. The Greek Cypriots? You bet your “groovy” vinyl record collection they are.
Who gets rewarded? They do! Who gets constantly punished for saying YES? The Turkish Cypriots! Is there any wonder they have had enough? KER-PLUNK. KER-PLUNK. . .
“Dialogue” means two parties “engaging” with each other, not one. What we have is a 50-yearold, UN-enforced monologue, which suits the Greek Cypriots perfectly. It’s THEIR terms, or none. KER-PLUNK, KERPLUNK. . .
No carrot is genuinely offered to the Turkish Cypriots, only stick.
Whatever concession the Turkish Cypriots make, is never enough for the Greek Cypriots. Whatever mythical “carrot” is offered to the Turkish Cypriots by the UN, to encourage them to comply, is then quietly forgotten, following every Greek Cypriot “No”.
The rewarding “UN promises” never see the light of day, from anybody, including the UK and the EU. Shame on the lot of them! KER-PLUNK, KER-PLUNK. . .
And what is Ms Holguin’s actual task? Is it to “push for talks until the last day” (as she states) – a day which never comes? Certainly not.
It is to see if there is “any common ground” between the two Cyprus “communities”. A BLIND UN personal envoy ought to see that the evidence of 50 years of failure points to the clear answer that there is NO common ground.
Any chance of that disappeared 20 years ago when the Annan Plan failed with a Greek Cypriot “NO”, reinforced by events in Crans-Montana, Switzerland, in 2017. KERPLUNK, KER-PLUNK. . .
The lady stubbornly refuses to see these great truths. She justifies her unsanctioned efforts
to embrace decades-old UN failure, yet again, by claiming that this “is what the people want”.
Is it really? Where the hell does she dig up the evidence for that one from? Certainly not from a 2020 opinion poll, which showed that 81.3 per cent of Turkish Cypriots support a two-state solution, nor from the ELECTION of President Ersin Tatar in 2020 (Yes, Ms Holguin, the ELECTION of) on a clear two-state solution mandate. KER-PLUNK, KERPLUNK. . .
With that weight of clear evidence before her, what point was there in her wandering around Cyprus, asking a question that has been clearly answered more times than I have had hot dinners? None whatsoever! KERPLUNK, KER-PLUNK. . .
She would be better advised to call and see former British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw (who is the only ex-British Foreign Secretary to come out of this debacle with any honour) who said in October 2017, following the failure at Crans-Montana, “only a partitioned island will bring the dispute between Turkish and Greek Cypriots to an end”.
What was blindingly obvious to him then is even more obvious now. Ms Holguin should be reporting THAT to the UN Secretary-General and NOTHING else.
It’s not as if President Ersin Tatar didn’t recently make all this clear to the UN lady, in his own polite and inimitable manner.
He told her “No talks, it’s over, it’s futile” (until the
isolations on his people are lifted and their rights affirmed). “We can’t afford another failure,” he added.
Was Ms Holguin listening? You can bet your copy of “It’s The Same Old Song” she wasn’t. She came to enforce the UN’s KERPLUNKING and ever-failing will (and nothing else).
The “Cyprus problem” is no problem at all. The problem is the UN, stuck in that scratchy groove.
The answer is staring the UN in its face: two states. They function – more importantly they exist – without a shot being fired in Cyprus for decades. If “peace” is the objective, it already exists. Simply recognise the fact.
Try rewarding Turkish Cypriot support for past UN reunification plans, instead of penalising them after every Greek Cypriot “No”.
Fulfil the promises made to the Turkish Cypriots if they gave that support. They did give it. Now, the UN, the EU and the UK should fulfil their part of the promised bargain.
A UK Foreign Office minister has just announced that UK supports a two-state solution for Israel and Palestine and is ready to recognise a Palestinian state “when the time is right”.
He intimated that could be when a ceasefire deal is reached in Gaza and all Israeli hostages are released. Gaza is still governed by a proscribed terrorist organisation.
If recognising terror is OK, why can’t a secular, democratic TRNC be granted the same right? Answer that one! KER-PLUNK!