Me­dia Lite

An ir­rev­er­ent glance at the press

Business monthly (Egypt) - - INSIDE -

ON THE ROCKS

The Min­istry of An­tiq­ui­ties an­nounced that it had re­turned an an­cient stone be­long­ing to the Be­hbeit El Ha­gar tem­ple af­ter an arche­ol­o­gist who hap­pened to be pass­ing through the town of El Ma­halla El Kubra no­ticed lo­cals us­ing the 3,000-year-old price­less relic as a slab for cut­ting meat. An of­fi­cial oversee­ing the tem­ple, which dates from the 30th Pharaonic Dy­nasty, ex­plained that over the years, cit­i­zens have used it as a quarry for rocks to use for work and to build things. In­deed, the sur­prised 62year-old butcher who was us­ing the stone, which he’d af­fixed to the ground with ce­ment, said he’d in­her­ited it from his great-grand­fa­ther, who ob­vi­ously had no clue as to its his­toric sig­nif­i­cance. Af­ter au­thor­i­ties hauled away the relic, the butcher filed an of­fi­cial com­plaint re­quest­ing com­pen­sa­tion in the form of another, sim­i­lar meat-cut­ting slab. Var­i­ous me­dia, Dec. 20

MEN­TAL FIT­NESS

A 38-year-old bar­ber ter­ri­fied com­muters when he stormed the Dar ElSalam Metro sta­tion, shout­ing that he was wear­ing an ex­plo­sive vest and threat­en­ing to blow the place up. Po­lice man­aged to ar­rest the sus­pected ter­ror­ist, only to dis­cover that the al­leged det­o­na­tion de­vice he was wear­ing under his clothes was ac­tu­ally a weight-loss belt. The bar­ber also con­fessed that he had been suf­fer­ing from men­tal trauma, as ev­i­denced by a num­ber of pre­scribed psy­chi­atric drugs the man also had on his per­son, said au­thor­i­ties. A lo­cal web­site cheek­ily dubbed the in­ci­dent “Cairo’s first fit­ness-in­spired ter­ror­ist at­tack.”

Cairo Scene, Dec. 12

WILD KING­DOM

Egypt, suf­fer­ing from a for­eign cur­rency short­age and a widen­ing trade deficit, has ap­par­ently de­cided to rely on its an­i­mal pop­u­la­tion to boost ex­ports. Fol­low­ing last month’s widely pub­li­cized pro­posal from Min­is­ter of Environment Khaled Fahmy to be­gin breed­ing croc­o­diles to sell for purses and shoes at $400 a pop, Ibrahim Mahrous, head of the Gen­eral Au­thor­ity for Vet­eri­nary Ser­vices at the Min­istry of Agri­cul­ture, an­nounced that Egypt would sell 10,000 don­keys to China, which is al­legedly suf­fer­ing from a short­age of the pack an­i­mals, which are used in an un­spec­i­fied way to pro­duce tra­di­tional reme­dies to treat ane­mia, dry coughs and dizzi­ness among other dis­eases. Mean­while, ru­mors are also afoot that Egypt is ne­go­ti­at­ing a deal with Korea to ex­port dogs, es­pe­cially con­sid­er­ing that Egypt's shel­ter ca­pac­ity is peak­ing with strays. The clear next move in this strat­egy in­volves eco­nomic re­vival via the ex­port of Cairo’s plen­ti­ful bal­adi cat pop­u­la­tion. Cairo Scene, Dec. 12

"I'd like to ap­ply for a loan to pay for break­fast for four, please."

Me­dia Lite is a satir­i­cal re­view of items pub­lished in the lo­cal and in­ter­na­tional press. All opin­ions and al­le­ga­tions made in them be­long solely to the orig­i­nal pub­li­ca­tions and no at­tempt has been made to as­cer­tain their ve­rac­ity. Al-Mas­ryAl-Youm,Jan.4

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