‘London was short, sharp and tweet’

WHEN I discovered London calling for a workshop, I gathered all the documents required before applying for a visa from the agency in Sandton, which processes it for the Brits.

To my surprise, the visa was ready for collection within five days. The world can learn from the Poms’ super-fast efficiency, especially their “I am more important than you” neighbours across the channel in Belgium. I must warn you, one does pay for the privilege. They charged R1906 for a six-month visa, payable online.

On arrival at the appointed time, I spent another R700 because they reckoned they would assist me in filling out the document. Still, they were efficient. That’s why I love the Brits. I spent six nights in the United Kingdom and only four in Brussels to say hello to my dear friends and experience a bit of the land of the European Union with whom I once engaged fondly via a fascinating project driven by the EU Delegation in South Africa. They always struck me as fascinating people. However, obtaining the Belgium visa via TLS took a lot of work. On each occasion, they painfully asked for additional information.

First, they ask that one print, date, and sign a form and add it to the documents supporting your application. At least 20 pages of documents from one person? I am convinced it equates to many trees being killed by the same nation that prides itself on saving the planet with the best public relations around the environment, driven by Ursula von der Leyen, the President of the European Commission.

EU policies aim to protect the environment and biodiversity, minimise risks to human health, and promote the transition to a circular economy. They should start by considering how much paper is used when applying for a visa to visit Belgium.

Secondly, how can one’s carbon footprint be reduced if one forces multiple trips on one for a visa? Ironically, you would have thought that having secured a visa for the main country, with Belgium as a stopover, would have made the process more seamless. Although these visa-granting nations use the same provider, it seems they do not communicate, hence the need for duplication from nations who blow hot air about saving the environment. Ideally, they should insist on the process being paperless and virtual; otherwise, stop paying lip service to give a damn about the environment. The first bone of contention was insurance – I obtained insurance for six days. Even though I spent four nights and five days in Brussels, the minimum requirement for insurance before a visa was granted was seven days.

Next, they wanted a letter from my friend confirming that I would stay with them in Brussels. His ID document and email were insufficient for them to believe me. Finally, they asked for stamped bank statements showing that I had 45 euros for each day of my stay. Finally, I collected my passport with the visa on my fifth visit. Brussels was going to happen. But London, here I come.

Data

Arriving at Heathrow that morning after a long flight, I was greeted by my taxi driver, who was calling on Whatsapp. Having switched off roaming because our greedy mobile operators back home would have fleeced me, I took advantage of the free WI-FI. It’s only in Africa where the operators mint money out of data. OR Tambo does not offer anything for free – and their customs officials are generally needy. It was a fantastic, crispy Sunday. I was driven from Heathrow to Oxfordshire, almost like I was on the set of the famous British crime series Midsomer Murders. Once out of busy London on the M25, one is transported to a picturesque, beautiful countryside, which makes one glad to be alive. In less than an hour, we were in Wallingford. I checked in at The George Hotel, a 16th-century town centre inn. It was within walking distance of everything. Close to the River Thames, one could walk alongside had it not been rainy and muddy. I was in room 306. My modest room had a much-needed heater and a television with not too many channels. One kept hearing the rumble of pipes and other sounds throughout. Education Now