Long arm of the law getting shorter

WELL, by now you may have r e a l i s e d t hat t he long arm of the law has been hard at work. The arrest of 697 people for involving themselves in looting and the burning of property is no mean feat.

That this figure includes Members of Parliament ( MPs) makes it even more significant.

We know there were more than just 697 people involved in committing these crimes, hence our promise ( no, it is not a threat) that we will be going all out to look for more.

Li k e o u r c o u n t e r p a r t s i n Sout h Africa, we have been moving from one house to another, confiscating all stolen items. We have managed t o gr a b l i quor, s oap, t i nned f i s h, Koo baked beans and many other groceries.

Like t he l ooters t hemselves, we are indiscriminate in our approach towards recovering all looted items. Yes, we grab anything that does not have a receipt.

I f you were wise enough t o buy i n bulk before t he senseless r i ots i n June, so t hat you have enough groceries to last you a month or so, but did not keep t he r eceipts, we take all of it.

Our modus operandi i s s i mple: anyone who lives within a 500metre radius of a supermarket, butchery or bottle store that was looted, is a thief.

We walk in there and roughly demand r eceipts. I f you s t ut t er and s t a mmer, we p i c k u p e v e r y t h i n g and leave.

That is how the long arm of the law operates. We have even taken whole bedroom suites that looked new. If you bought yours some time ago and have been keeping it in good condition because you want your visitors to think you are a neat freak, hard luck. We are going to leave with it, unless you show us a receipt from Bradlows, Lewis Stores or wherever.

Besi d e s , h o w c a n y o u l i k e i n a stickandmud house but own furniture worth E5 000 or more? It makes no sense. We know some clever fools have been asking how we are going to ensure that the recovered items reach t he places t hey were l ooted f r o m. All o w u s t o s e t t h e r e c o r d s t r ai ght. That has never been t he intention.

T h e o b j e c t i v e h e r e i s t o t e a c h emaSwati ( and their foreign friends) a lesson. Never ever join any madness that involves taking what you have not been given – or what you have not paid for.

It would be impossible to identify whe r e a t i n o f b a k e d b e a n s was stolen, wouldn’t it? Shops sell the same kind of stuff, just at different prices. So yes, we are still going to investigate how these things reach the businesses they were looted from.

For now, we are grabbing everything in sight.

Speaking of investigating, you will r ecall t hat even t hough we admit t hat 34 people were killed during t h e r i o t s , we h a v e n o t t a k e n a n y responsibility for that massacre. We will investigate this as well.

We were quick t o arrest t he 697 rioters without investigating but now that you want us to arrest some of our own for murder, please allow us to investigate.

You may have noticed that we have not given any time frames for when these investigations will start or how. We do not want to be pressured.

So, maSwati lamahle, if this investigation takes us seven years, you have t o bear with us. Besides, we understand that identifying security officers involved in such crimes will be an almost impossible task.

The arm of the law has not been long enough to identify culprits who have been going around, removing number plates from army and police vehicles.