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Tsaying in siSwati ‘watfumela ligundvwane’ rings true to brides who have been blessed with warm accepting in-laws. The rat ‘goes’ ahead of the bride to assess the in-laws before she joins her new family.

When the feedback is glowing it ‘gives’ the bride a thumps up that the coast is clear literally, you can proceed and join the family. I recently watched a show titled ‘Makoti are you the one’.

The concept of the reality show is the fiancé or girlfriend visits her in-laws to be for 21 days. They were four couples on the reality show. The brides’ to be are ‘trained’ by the in-laws about how things are done in the family, traditions and expectations of course, as makoti.

One family storyline that I took a keen interest in was the Mthembu family based in Richards Bay in KwaZulu-Natal.

The boyfriend Nhlanhla was in love with Ntombi whom the family didn’t approve of. The mother in law was not crazy with her dress code as she alleged that she always wore skimpy outfits and that she was lazy.

She also complained that she slept a lot and didn’t do much. There’s a scene where she gave her laundry; the makoti took it to town at the Laundromat. But it’s the grandmother who stole the show with her disapproval she couldn’t even fake it.

She was very vocal about her feelings even to her grandson about his choice; she even called her a reject because she had a child out of wedlock, yet her grandson didn’t have any yet.

At the reunion at the end of the reality show, the ‘makoti’ revealed that the grandmother physically assaulted and slapped her a few times.

The icing on the cake was the boyfriend still went ahead and proposed to her on the reunion stage, to prove that she wasn’t going anyway whether approved or not.

Quite frankly, the reality shows the real picture of what happens to poor women when they join their in laws; they are met with harsh realities.

They constantly have to deal with the favourite ex the in-laws don’t want to let go even after their son had moved on. They constantly compare the new bride to the one they approved of because she was better at least according to them.

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The ill-treatment of suddenly being the new recruited slave, suddenly all the house chores belong to you. I have no problem with kukotita, but there are extremes, where suddenly umntfwane bantfu is a slave.

She suddenly has to cook daily even after working the whole day at her job, while boskoni are flipping channels the whole day. On top of that, she’s expected to do the dishes after cooking and still perform in the bedroom.

How suddenly she has three full baskets of laundry from batfwana ba skoni and few items from maketala ngiyabekisa.

She’s also expected on weekends not to rest but iron the laundry clean the yard and attend to the weed emasimini with a smile.

I always envy brides who join loving families because kubi langaphandle. Here’s what I’ve learnt end of the day once their son chooses the person that he wants to share his life with, there’ isn’t much one can do.

They can mistreat the poor makoti in hope she will give up her marriage kutobuya loya they approve of, but such rarely happens.

If anything, it’s common that the one they really like for the son he never marries, such is life.

Whether you approve or not, it’s not his priority, if he loves her the least the family can do is be happy that their son is happy.

Whether she came with children from previous Sipho or Siphos shouldn’t be a concern if umnikati wendzaba didn’t have a problem with that fact.

Trying to manipulate or force their son to go with another choice usually alienates him further into her arms.

Like my grandmother used to say, you can’t do anything if they love each other just support them.

If by some miracle the family is right about their son’s horrible choice, time reveals such; if they were indeed right, so relax and don’t try and meddle in your son or brother’s choice.

7he EUide said heU da\ was filled with laugh teU aQd lRYe 7he FRuSle¶s FRllege IUieQds alsR FaPe tR suSSRUt the lRYeEiUds

the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart, or you can focus on what’s keeping you together. True love always finds a way.

Wandile Msibi and

Emakhalatsini.

In an interview with the bride, she described her husband as a humble and honest person who is nothing but loving, who describes the meaning of love.

She said she loves her husband because they are compatible.

Their day was filled with love and laughter as their close family and friends came to support them.

The bride said they both incorporated their favourite colours to bring out an intimate feel as they wanted to make a lasting impression on the special day of their lives.

Her stylish dress with lace and petal details was made by Zozo stich-by-stich.

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Philile Shongwe tied the knot at