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Sir,

It’s never easy when a marriage or other significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split, the ending of a committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. And when children are involved, the situation is even more challenging.

In Eswatini tradition, talks of divorce are a rare case, because traditionally, a woman is not supposed to leave her husband, no matter the situation. The only plausible thing to do is for the husband to take her back home and tell her parents she is not being a good wife, and therefore needs to have a word with the elders and get tips on ‘how to be a better wife’. Even when that is so, we cannot deny the fact that a woman can find herself all alone with children of a husband who has gone AWOL.

When this woman meets someone else and decides to re-marry, what becomes of the children? Well, most would agree that it is not usual for a woman to bring children from a previous marriage to a new marriage. Society expects the woman to leave the children home with their ‘gogo’. What is ironic, however, is that if the new husband has children of his own, she is expected to accept them and love them like her own, while her children are longing for her love.

There are parts of Eswatini culture and general way of doing things that are absolutely beautiful. This particular practice, however, has never been understandable. The concern is mostly about the abandoned children, as well as the woman’s right to be with her children that’s been oppressed.

What happened to ‘women and children first’? What happened to loving and accepting the whole package? Does the love become conditional only when it comes to the husband accepting her and her children, and yet the woman is expected to love unconditionally?

Anonymous