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Sir,

Marriage is work as it needs the husbands and wives to be intentional about spending time together. It is easy to be caught-up in the daily hustle and grind of life that we neglect prioritising the important people in our lives. Even in Eswatini, far too many married couples are living in the fast lane and often do not make time to off-ramp and reconnect with each other.

Making time for your spouse is one of the highest levels of communicating love to him or her. In essence, you are saying I still choose you and I am willing to put on hold everything else and focus my attention on you. There is no greater gift that you can offer your spouse than your total self.

Addiction

Nowadays it is so common to find a couple sitting together, but each busy with their phones connecting with the virtual community. So serious is the smartphone addiction that a study in America showed that one in three Americans would rather give up sex for three months than give up their smartphones for a week. This is an alarming number, bearing in mind how desirable sex was considered to be a few decades ago. It is said that smartphones and sex release the same ‘happy chemicals’in our brains. Every time you get a text, a small dose of dopamine comes out. You get a much larger dose from intimacy, but the small doses throughout the day are supposedly enough to satisfy your needs. It may get to a point where you are more focused on chasing the ‘high’ from your smartphone than you are in building a strong connection with your spouse. Clearly, smartphones can have an undesirable consequence in marriages and are to be used with caution.

StIflE

The truth is smartphones do not enhance conversation, but rather stifle it because you cannot truly listen when you are on your phone. Listening is a very important component of conversation, because it allows you to understand your spouse’s perspective. Your focus is entirely on your spouse when you are not on the phone, so your brain is not trying to process two sets of information simultaneously. Be deliberate and either switch it off entirely or put it on silent, your spouse deserves your full attention and should not be subjected to compete with your smartphone.

Conflicts in marriage are inevitable and cannot be prayed or wished away, hence when they come, resolve them quickly lest they suffocate your relationship. Genuinely resolve conflicts and where there is an error, forgive each other sincerely and move on. If there is no forgiveness or lack of humility from the spouse at fault, it can negatively impact your time together.

TImE

Spending quality time together enhances a deep emotional connection, where each spouse can freely expose their vulnerabilities without feeling shame. This time spent together also helps the two to share life aspirations and gain support as well as encouragement from each other. Not only will you know or think you are loved, but you will feel the warmth of the love of your spouse when you habitually block time for each other. The best relationships require effort from both individuals. If you do not have your next timeout together planned, go ahead and do it. After all it is not really a luxury, but a necessity for a happy and life-affirming relationship.