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Sir,
You must marry your friend because friendship is the hallmark and foundation of any relationship. Conflict is inherent in any relationship; when you have conflict situations in marriage as friends, you are able to peacefully resolve them, rather than a litigious mindset which tends to give each of you ‘rights’.
Marry someone whose self-confidence and esteem are high, because when they are low, they become a liability in a marriage. To such individuals, small and little things become big issues. Marry someone who is career-orientated or who has a job because marriage is an expensive exercise. Young people must not marry before they have a job.
Because if you marry before amassing wealth or acquiring a job, then your entire life gets to start from a ‘debt’ standpoint. Lobola, car, house and everything is a debt. And that debt is inevitably going to create tension and stress in your marriage.
I have a Correctional officer friend who bemoaned the fact that her late colleague’s husband’s E500 maintenance money used to cause a lot of tension when they drew a monthly budget. Imagine those who maintain more than two kids?
You must marry someone who has an intellectual capital because anyone who possess it, to them, the sky becomes the limit. Marry someone who has basic values like trust, respect, honesty and transparency. Believe it or not, there are countless couples in this country, and even outside of our borders, who don’t know how much their partners earn.
In marriage, someone should have the audacity to apologise even if they are not wrong because that helps in maintaining the peace and stability. Don’t marry an atheist because they won’t think twice before killing you when you quarrel. Marry someone who has a social-conscience, one who has empathy and feels for the less fortunate. You must have a ‘life’ in marriage, which means you must spend more time with your partner. This thing of ‘alone partners’ creates many unnecessary problems and infidelity. And this could go a long way in ensuring that the killings in relationships become a thing of the past.
Samuel