No mourning rituals for my wife – MP Lutfo
MBABANE – He has said it during his lifetime. Prominent Member of Parliament and former Cabinet Minister Lutfo Dlamini says he does not believe in mourning rituals and, therefore, does not want his wife to be subjected to this cultural practice when he dies.
The charismatic and outspoken legislator told the Times SUNDAY, as a member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, he believes that life is monitored by the Gospel as espoused in the book of Ecclesiastes Chapter 9 verses 5 and 6, which read: “For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing; they have no further reward, and even their name is forgotten. Their love, their hate and their jealousy have long since vanished; never again will they have a part in anything that happens under the sun.”
According to the MP, this is God’s attitude towards death; once a person dies, that’s the end of that individual.
“No matter how much we love you or hate you, God says everything about you perishes,” the Ndzingeni Constituency MP said.
He said in his case as a married man, his belief is that he is relevant, useful and has an opinion over everything, including his wife, as long as he is alive.
“The moment I die, whatever my wife remains to do afterwards, no longer concerns me and I would be happy if this would not concern anybody else. Personally, since I came into being, I do not engage in a mourning period and I do not wear mourning attire. And I have never requested any of my family members to wear mourning attire because biblically it is not there and, secondly, it makes no sense or difference because the person we are mourning is dead and the Bible says that person longer has any influence on what we do on earth,” Dlamini said.
In Eswatini Law and Custom, when a man dies, his wife is expected to go into mourning for a period of at least two years.
This cultural practice comes with the wearing of a black mourning gown by the woman and, during this period, she is not expected to appear in public or participate in public life.
The black mourning gown distinctively identifies the widow wherever she goes and ensures that everyone who comes across her, particularly men, are aware of her status.
The wife is also expected to stay hidden indoors for a particular period, in what is referred to as kufukama.
But the country’s Constitution, in Section 28(3), states that a woman shall not be compelled to undergo or uphold any custom to which she is in conscience opposed to.
In the past two weeks, Tanele, the wife of assassinated Human Rights Lawyer Thulani Maseko, triggered a debate when she appeared in public a couple of days after the burial of her husband.
In black mourning gowns, she travelled to South Africa for her husband’s memorial service and was seen in a picture with PUDEMO President Mlungisi Makhanya, who had his hand on her shoulder, something that those who observe tradition frowned upon.
During the memorial service, she even delivered a speech, which she also did during Maseko’s initial memorial service held at Esibayeni Lodge in Matsapha.
Amid the criticism, Tanele, through a family member, pleaded that she be allowed to mourn her husband the way she deemed fit.
MP Dlamini, who specifically stated that she was not in any way associating his comments to what was happening in the Maseko household, but spoke as a legislator and in his personal capacity, made it succinctly that because he does not observe the mourning rituals, he equally would not want his wife to observe them after his death.
“But I will not prescribe; it has to be her own decision if she would prefer the mourning rituals. As far as I’m concerned, my wife is at liberty to do what he believes is in accordance with God’s will or would make her grieve better. If her decision would align with what the church wants, that would be fine and I think the church would be happy. If her decision would be in accordance with community expectations, then the community would be happy. If that decision would be along the lines of the Constitution, the people of the Constitution would be happy. So, my feeling is that ingubo idvonswa ngulova emakhata (the decision lies with the affected person),” he said.
The legislator expressed his opposition to what he termed the ill-treatment of women just because they had lost their husbands.
He decried the fact that women were subjected to the mourning rituals yet men were not, whereas the Constitution is silent on the treatment of women differently.
“If my wife dies, why am I not required to stay indoors and mourn her? Why am I allowed to be seen walking on the streets the day after my wife has died and can even get married in that month? I’ve seen them do it, even pastors, and nobody cares about it. But when it comes to my wife, why do you force her to be in mourning for three years? My philosophy is that we are all equal before God and under the country’s Constitution,” emphasised the MP.
He said there were wives who got involved in extramarital affairs during their husbands’ lifetime and then when the men die they mourn for three years and behave themselves.
WHO BENEFITTED
He wondered as to who benefitted from that.
“I have a problem when we ill-treat widows yet the Constitution does not make the distinction. Secondly, the Bible doesn’t make the distinction that the wife has to be in mourning for so many years. If you look at this thing, we crafted it ourselves. I believe that my wife, the day I drop dead, please don’t bother her, she will do what she believes will make her feel she has mourned her husband satisfactorily and she is happy about it, whether it’s over a week or 10 years is her prerogative. whether she stays in the mourning hut (kufukama) or not; whether she wears a mourning gown or not, but I personally do not want her to observe the mourning rituals as per my belief. If anything, we would be misinterpreting the Bible if we were to mourn the dead and also fetch that person’s spirit from the graveyard because it (Bible) says there is nothing that person can do,” the MP said.
He pleaded with those who are able to uphold and implement the country’s constitution to do with the understanding that people have equal rights, whether a person has lost a wife or a husband.
He said those who have their cultural practices were free to observe them but they should not bother his wife.
“I’m trying to educate the nation that the Constitution says people are equal. Where then does the Constitution says a woman should mourn for three years and a man for three hours? What is the basis for this?” he queried.
The MP said in the olden times, men were not supposed to be in mourning because they were always anticipating going to war.
“Are there wars now? Or this is now a way for men to abuse women? Why is it okay for a man to marry within a month of his wife’s death, but a woman is not allowed to get another man to help her heal and get over her late husband? That’s the issue. As emaSwati, let us try to observe and live by the equality that is in the constitution and in the bible,” he further stated.
Dlamini opined that a person should mourn in their heart instead, because they had seen instances where some women would fall pregnant while still in their mourning gowns.
He said this was proof that these women were forced to observe the mourning period yet they didn’t really care about the dead husbands.
“For me, fortunately, my family knows that issues of observing mourning rituals such as kuzilla, kugeza emanti and kuphahla have never been part of my life and will never be and I don’t expect my wife to observe them unless she so wishes. Even then, she should know that this was not my doing; that it was not God’s command, and not a constitutional requirement but out of her own choice,” the MP added.
In 2013, Chief Magudvulela of the Ludzibini Chiefdom drew controversy when he stated in a meeting that the community should not vote for Jenifer du Pont because she was a widow and still in mourning.
Du Pont entered the Parliament election race but lost and challenged the outcome in court, where she submitted that Section 78 of the Constitution declared the action of Chief Magudvulela were unlawful and criminal and the effect of such conduct rendered the election not free and fair and contrary to Section 84(1) of the Constitution, which provides that; “Subject to the provision of this Constitution, the people of Swaziland have a right to be heard and be represented by their own freely chosen representative in the government of the country”.
She further stated that Ludzibini is a predominantly rural chiefdom ruled by Chief Magudvulela who is a footstool of the King; hence he commands authority and by Swazi Culture it is expected that his subjects will take heed of his advice.
“I state further that the emphasis placed on the comments made, placed more weight such that they were basically directives more than commentary advice as the following; I urge you not to disappoint the country’s authorities by electing a candidate whom they cannot use because of the technicality of mourning,” she said.
Du Pont said the chief, during the meeting, also stated that he was aware of the constitutional right of women to choose to mourn the deaths of their husbands, but Swazi Law and Custom was superior to women’s rights.
Another woman to fall victim to the mourning rituals was the late former Cabinet Minister, Winnie Magagula, was told to stay away from Parliament and royal residences for two years following the death of her estranged husband.
At that time, she was Minister of the Crown.