Times of Eswatini
The questions to ask before you marry him
LA S T week I w r o t e a story about one of my sources who secured a slot at a radio station in South Africa. The topic was what are the questions to ask a guy before you get married. In fact, if most women actually ask hard questions, before agreeing to marry Sipho, let’s just say there would be less divorces.
It prompted me to ask myself that actually what is my ideal man, what is that I’m looking for in a guy before I decide to change my last name again. What questions would I ask him to even consider that again? To be quite honest, my list is quite long, I was surprised.
In fact I think it has changed as I entered another decade, I’m not sure why we become quite picky as we mature, but let’s move on. I’m not sure why it suddenly felt important, or is it after AKA’s tragic death. I was once again reminded how short life is. One minute you are planning a vacation for next summer, next your family is identifying your body.
So the lesson I learnt is to stop postponing your life, stop postponing your happiness, stop saying I will call next week, stop saying I will make time to go spend with my grandparents because before you know it, they are gone. Be intentional about your time do things now, life is just too short.
Before I get carried away, here’s what I think women should ask Sipho before agreeing to take his last name. Ask him if he wants children, some guys don’t what children because they already have them, some because of childhood traumas of how they grew up, hence they decided they don’t want them. Some would rather postpone it until a certain age or when they are financially stable. Ask him how he wants them raised too.
Ask him about his relationship with his mother or sisters, this is important as it may just show you the type of a man he is. Whatever you do make sure the umbilical cord has been detached for your own peace of mind.
Talk about money. How his finances are, are they in order? Is he in debt, does he have credit cards or student loans that are outstanding. Trust me this is important as if you marry him blindly you might just take on that debt, so make an informed decision. Money is one of the lead factors of many divorces. So make sure you discuss it. Ask him about the relationship with his baby mama, is she under the impression that there’s still hope, is she aware bahlukana because wow the drama they bring to a marriage can be a lot too.
Ask him about religion, very important. Some ladies have found themselves marrying into families that believe in traditional stuff kani bona bayakholwa and it soon cause friction when they refuse to partake in some of the practises as it goes against their religion, so very important. Before makatela gives you unpleasant names because wena utenta ncono make sure you not clashing with his family.
Of course, there’s a long list of questions to ask him, also this depends on your preference as a woman, or as a couple.
But some of the questions should include; where would you stay, are you going to be renting and for how long until you put down roots.
When you are finally ready to build, where will it be, will it be at a neutral place or ekhaya kubo? By the way make sure you avoid this by all means because should things go south in the relationship and you will find yourself starting from scratch.
Make sure you both agree on the place and for both of your sake. Also make sure that you build your home away from both his family and yours as they can be a handful if you are too close to home literally.
End of the day make sure you get all the answers before you make a lifetime commitment.