Why emotional challenges matter

THE case for focusing on emotional intelligence to build collaborative relationships, improve performance and support wellbeing in the workplace is strong. Those with higher emotional intelligence display more effective decision-making skills when under pressure and research shows a positive correlation between emotional intelligence and performance. Leaders who demonstrate emotional intelligence are more likely to create environments where people feel comfortable sharing ideas, being vulnerable and asking for help.

This encourages team members to support each other, see failures as learning opportunities, build strong relationships and approach conflict in a healthy way. But where do you start when it comes to building emotional intelligence?

It begins with self-awareness - understanding what you’re feeling and why - and making the link between the emotions you experience, your behavioural response, and how that impacts your interaction with others.

HERE ARE THREE WAYS TO BUILD AWARENESS ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS.

Strategy #1: Accepting feelings

An effective strategy in your toolkit is to learn how to accept your feelings rather than trying to change them. The aim is to acknowledge that your thoughts are ways of processing information about events you’re experiencing and that they will pass and change, as will your emotions.

It’s about accepting your feelings and finding ways of moving forward.

To bring this idea to light, imagine you experience a challenging event at work - say you missed out on a promotion that went to a colleague. You may feel angry, disappointed, or sad; those are entirely understandable responses, and you don’t need to change these feelings.

Your thoughts about the event could impact your behaviour at work, both with your colleague who got the role and with your manager who made the decision. If you’re mindful of this, you can view your perception of the event as a series of thoughts travelling through your mind. You don’t have to change your thoughts, engage with them, ruminate on them, or direct them. Think of it as being a bus driver, and your thoughts are rowdy passengers on the bus.

They might be distracting and even create an uncomfortable experience, but they will get off the bus at some point; your thoughts will pass. Strategy #2: Gathering feedback from others Gathering perspectives from others is one of the most effective ways to unveil blind spots and understand how your communication and behaviour style comes across to others. People often struggle with providing feedback because they’re concerned that anything other than praise could be taken as criticism (which may not be how the feedback was intended to be delivered).

If you make asking for feedback as informal and low-key as possible, you’re likely to make the other person comfortable sharing their thoughts. When you want to understand more about how others perceive your interaction with them, I recommend asking one simple question: What could I do even better?

This creates a safe space for others to provide honest feedback where they’re pointing out something you could change. But the feedback also doesn’t have to be delivered as criticism, it could be that you’re doing something well, and you could tweak your approach just slightly to do that same thing exceptionally well, or even better. Strategy #3: Journaling

Regularly taking time to reflect and note how you’re feeling is an effective way to raise awareness of your emotions and gain a deeper understanding of events that may trigger feelings and behavioural responses. The key is to journal in a way that works for you; some people like to do this daily, either first thing in the morning or before bed. Others make this a weekly exercise, so maybe before closing off the working week; note your experiences that week. You can journal in any way that works for you. If you’d like some ideas of where to start, you might consider focusing on the following areas: Situations, interactions or events where you experienced an emotional response Interactions with others - both positive and challenging

Key achievements and challenges - and the emotional impact of these

Journaling can help to build emotional awareness in two specific ways. Firstly, the process provides an opportunity to reflect, which is something we don’t always get the chance to do in our busy lives.

This reflection process is where you will check in with how you’ve felt about events, interactions and situations you’ve experienced. Secondly, as time goes on, you may notice patterns. You might find working in a specific way, such as up against tight deadlines, or with particular people or teams can trigger a specific emotional response. We’re not always conscious of our emotional triggers, but journaling can shine a light on them. If we’re aware of how we feel and why in different situations, we can put in place processes to help manage our emotional experiences such as boundaries with people who often trigger challenging emotions.