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Sir,

The strongest teams in sport have chemistry beyond the field of play and the locker room. They are a blend of experience, communication and unity; and they learn to overcome adversity through agreements and disagreements. Those qualities lead to championships and celebrations. The same is true of marriage.

Human beings have an innate desire to connect, to experience dynamic relationships with one another. And, the deepest, most intimate relationship exists in the marital bond between husband and wife. The couple that you think of as the ideal couple may have something very special that makes them the ‘it’ couple. They have achieved what we call a married state of mind. They most likely understand marriage as a dance.

Mind

A married state of mind is a mindset that prioritises your spouse above anything and anyone in this world. It’s a state of oneness where it’s you and me first, and then it’s them. And ‘them’ often has to include the children too.

A married state of mind is a place of trust, unity, loyalty and harmony. Like partners on a dance floor, we lead and give way to each other in a structured yet poetic rhythm of trust, focus and love.

To fully realise a married state of mind, you have to have a common understanding of not only what marriage actually is, but also why the two of you are joined together in marriage. It also means, fundamentally, you have to have a common purpose, a shared value-system, and be equally yoked in character – your integrity.

Principle

Furthermore, a married state of mind is built on the principle of oneness, which teaches us the essence of marriage. It teaches that marriage is a sacred covenant that binds a husband and wife together as one flesh until they are separated by death. It is a permanent relationship built on God’s design, where a man and his wife grow to become inseparable.

The term ‘one flesh’ means just as your body is one whole entity and cannot be separated into pieces and still remain a whole, so it is being married. You cannot be separated and remain as you were before the marriage. You are no longer two entities or individuals, but are now one entity, a married couple.

Becoming one takes an intentional choice on the part of both partners. It steers couples in the right direction, alleviating stressful moments, reducing the possibility of disillusionment and fostering success.

Marriages in alignment provide a foundation for confident and stronger relationships. When couples are open and honest in communicating, it builds trust. They prefer to talk things out when they disagree.

A married state of mind is connecting and willingness to grow together on all levels. It’s referring to ‘mine’ as ‘ours’, and then later back to ‘mine’ again as referring to both of you. It’s sharing the responsibility of running the household, doing chores, raising children, and providing for the family – one of the most down-to-earth aspects of married life.

This very practical side of marriage has deep roots in something that can only be characterised as profoundly spiritual. It’s an awesome and fascinating mystery of two becoming one.

Marriage is a romantic dance of give and take. A picture of lead and follow that comprises routines that are not only unique to the couple, but that are also practised over a long time in order for the couple to finally find their own harmonious rhythm that is poetic and powerful.

Mo and Phindi