SOME OF THE SUBMISSIONS:
Parents do not talk to us about sex, some parents feel like once they talk to us about sex it will be like they are ‘sending us’ to go and have sex, yet that is not the case; we need to learn and know these things.
In many homes, parents do not sit down with us to talk about sexuality issues. As a result, we end up relying on our friends for such information, yet they mislead us.
Surprisingly, some participants mentioned that they started engaging in sexual activities early because their parents and/or older siblings pressurised them to start romantic relationships earlier than they wished. Boys stated that their fathers ask them if they have started proposing love to girls and if they say no, the fathers would be disappointed.
On the other hand, girls mentioned that their mothers would also tell them to look for alternative financing sources to support themselves as they (parents) did not have money to meet all their needs. The youth said they interpreted that to mean they had to start romantic relationships to get financial support. To prove that their perception is correct, when they bring the groceries home, their parents never ask where they took those groceries from: At times the mother will be the one encouraging the daughter to go out. She may even ask her: ‘What are we going to eat if you don’t go out’? She will tell her to bath, get dressed, look beautiful, and go to the shops so that boys can see her. Sometimes it is our parents that encourage us because, when we return with plastic bags, they do not ask any questions since they know that at least they will have something to eat that day.
Some of our fathers ask us if we have started proposing love to girls and if you say no, you will hear your dad saying: “Oh! You don’t have any girlfriend up to now? It’s a disgrace, you are not like me.” We interpret it to mean he is ok if I go and do it (sex).
Most of the time you find that when you consult your brother for dating advice, he will say: “Take the girl and have sex with her as a sign that she truly loves you, and for you to be rest-assured that she is truly yours.”
Participants also expressed that they engage in early sexual activities because they saw their parents or older siblings bringing mistresses and extramarital partners to their houses, and at times kiss in front of them, which made them also want to experiment what they saw their parents or older siblings doing: If they (parents/older siblings) do not practise what they teach me, I would follow in their footsteps ... I will also go to my boyfriend and come back the following day.
If my parents bring multiple partners to the house, even if they can sit down with me and advise me against such behaviours, I will just say to myself: “What is she/he telling me because she is doing the very same thing in front of me?” I will be angry at him or her and start overdoing things to try and revenge on him or her so that he/she can feel the pain of seeing me doing what he warned me against. I would want him/her to see how I also feel when he/she brings a lover into the house in our full view.
Our parents kiss in front of us and they have sex in the next room, and you hear the sounds. They make us want to do it too. In the past, this was not common as there were separate houses for parents and children.