Breaking the cycle in month of love

A Swe start the month of love, I am reminded of how February is often riddled with reports of intimate partner violence. Every year, hundreds of people in the country experience intimate partner violence. This violence often goes unnoticed, and many people are unaware of the signs and how to get help, until it is too late.

People experience physical, sexual, financial and emotional abuse at the hands of the people they trust.

Challenges

Some of the challenges faced by victims of intimate partner violence include the fear of leaving a relationship, lack of resources and feelings of shame. I particularly hate the challenge that’s got to do with shame because it victimises the victim all over again.

But how do you know you are in an abusive relationship? Some of the signs are very obvious, but some can be hidden and present themselves as love, such as controlling and over protectiveness. But some of the red flags include things like jealousy, controlling behaviour, emotional abuse, isolation and financial abuse.

Most of these signs can be easy to miss, but it is important to pay attention to the overall pattern of behaviour, rather than focusing on any one incident.

Controlling

For example, a controlling partner will also be jealous of your other relationships with friends and colleagues.

An emotionally abusive partner can reduce you into someone who hates themselves and, therefore, isolate you from other people by making you believe you are not good enough for other company.

There is always hope and help available, no matter what one may be going through. It is important to have someone you trust and can talk to whenever you need to vent. Reach out to that trusted friend and let them support you.

This is also important because when one day you need to report the abuse, the person you always reach out to can act as your witness as well.

This is not something the investigating officers will tell you, but it is definitely something they look out for. This is because they do not believe that one can suffer in

silence without telling anyone, even after a rape incident, for example. And yet there are so many people who suffer alone because of the ‘isolation’ I talked about above and other reasons may include fear of stigmatisation.

Some ways to get help in Eswatini is by contacting SWAGAA through their toll free number and approaching other community-based civil society organisations that can refer or direct you to help. Seeking professional counselling is another step that victims of violence often overlook, yet it is important. It’s important to get counselling so that you can get over the trauma and avoid similar future occurrences.

Plan

One thing that we do not talk about when dealing with issues of intimate partner violence, especially for people who live together, is the importance of having a safety plan. Having a safety plan could mean having an emergency bag packed and ready to go, making copies of important documents and arranging a safe place to stay. This safe place doesn’t have to be with friends and family or anywhere your abuser may easily find you. It must be a place where you know they will not have access to you even if they did find you.

Please remember that there is hope and help is always available to you. Do not let yourself suffer in silence and do not become one of the faces added to the numbers and statistics of gender-based violence. It is important to care for yourself and remember that healing is a process that takes time and patience.