2Bags was up and about this April, joining the pompom girls with their hula shakes and neighborhood rugby-crazed gangs in their bouts of hilarious laughter and cheering. At 34VD in Kinoya, 2 Bags joined a zany Fiji fan, whom we will now call “Kay” because of security issues. Kay is five feet something, has black frizzy manji hair, the kind that makes a noisy twang when the wind blows through…(ya sara ga!). So much for the Palmolive conditioner she claims to apply so often on her wiry buiniga. Kay is a she although biologically she is a he… I guess you know what I’m trying to say here. But we certainly don’t use the vernacular label people branded a person like Kay before we were drilled properly in human rights. Kay is a girl when it comes to doing household chores; you know, the usual baking (which goes wrong most of the time), sweeping, washing, grooming, dressing and dating. But she is a boy when it comes to snoring, clapping around the grog bowl, eating and watching RUGBY! “Kua sara, I used to play rugby in primary and secondary school…. that’s before I fell from the pram. I mean I had already fallen from the pram but was still in bubu’s closet,” Kay explains. Anyway, Fiji was playing in the finals of the Hong Kong 7s against Kenya. Each time Kenya had the ball, Kay the lady would stand up in the sitting room and start her wild ranting. “Isa Turaga. Ni vakalutuma mai ligana na polo qori. Me tacaqe Turaga ena seni co (OMG, knock the ball off his hands. Make him fall to the ground Lord by tripping on the grass)!” “Kere wai. Kere wai levu. Me ratou luvu Turaga. Me sunami sara ga(Give me water, give me a river so that they can drown Lord. Send them a tsnumi” Well I never, which part of Kay is Christian? 2 Bags doesn’t know, coz she seems to possess total hatred for Fiji’s 7s opponents. Whoever they may me. The irony? Yes, every Sunday, you can spot Kay in a long black maternity dress and leopard-printed sneakers going to church with Bible in hand. Just recently she got back from church, high on marijuana. “I am a die hard Fiji fan. Sometimes I just wished I was on the pitch playing rugby but then I remember I am Miss Kay and I have to sit pretty like a lady and wait for our ruggers to come home and have a good body massage,” she said. Well lucky Fiji won in Hong Kong. Otherwise, Kay would have a nervous breakdown. She went to a village in Naitasiri for the weekend when Fiji played against New Zealand in the final of the Commonwealth Games. So 2 Bags never got to experience her special kind of cheering during the Commonwealth Games on the Gold Coast …the kind that is half a cheer and half a swear. But 2 Bags heard she got into an argument with the Turaga ni koro. 2 Bags also heard she was planning to watch the Coca-Cola Games and would cheer for Wainimala Junior Secondary School (her ex school). Well, judging by how bad her former school performed over a decade, 2 Bags can only imagine the war of words at the ANZ Stadium. Isa Miss Kay! Please kerekere. Bau oca! Don’t embarrass us at the stadium. Sa rauti kedatou vinaka ga o Kinoya!!