The Labyrinth of French Lockdowns
Un Américain (en confinement) à Paris...
Quels commerces sont « essentiels » ? Comment remplir correctement son attestation ? Pourquoi les sections de certains magasins sont-elles fermées et pas d'autres ? Voilà quelques questions auxquelles le journaliste américain Roger Cohen a dû faire face alors qu'il vivait à Paris durant le troisième confinement. Dans cet article plein d'humour, il raconte les situations loufoques qu'il a rencontrées – et s'amuse des règles parfois absurdes de notre administration.
Three French lockdowns, and counting, over the past 13 months have been many things, among them a rare opportunity for the formidable national bureaucracy of about 5.6 million public servants to display their gift for complicating people's lives.
2. With the announcement of the third Paris lockdown last month to try to control the spread of the coronavirus, an apotheosis of the absurd was reached.
3. How to get your head around hairdressers, vendors of electronic cigarettes, video game outlets and chocolatiers being deemed essential stores, and so allowed to open, but shoe shops, beauty salons, clothing boutiques and department stores being forced to close? 4. Familiarity with the labyrinthine thought processes of the French functionary was clearly needed. France, as one former prime minister, Georges Clemenceau, observed, “is an extremely fertile country: You plant functionaries and taxes grow.”
5. There is a presidential election a year from now in France, so a restriction (lockdown No. 3) had to be offset by a concession to voters (an extra hour before the curfew for an aperitif).
6. The French are fed up, and President Emmanuel Macron has to find a delicate balance between tamping down the virus and not pushing an already exasperated public into outright revolt with further restrictions on movement. 7. The lockdowns have cut the social fabric of life, whose nexus is the table, where grumbling and laughter (including about the bureaucracy) gets into high gear.
8. Despite the reforming ambition of successive presidents — Jacques Chirac spoke of the “obesity of the state” in 1986 — the number of functionaries has grown by over 1 million in the last 30 years and now represents 22% of the entire workforce. They are resilient.
BUYING A LAMP
9. I recently rented an apartment and needed to furnish it. As a result, I found myself at Castorama, a sort of DIY emporium with a few Gallic flourishes, that was open only because
its surface area did not exceed the 10,000-squaremeter limit (a little over 100,000 square feet) set by the government for such stores.
10. In truth, the store was only kind of open. Redand-white tape, as if strung up around a crime scene, surrounded some sections, including the one for lamps, sconces and other wall light fixtures.
11. This was how I learned more about essential vs. nonessential items under the lockdown. I could buy electric cheese-heating raclette makers in a dozen different models. I could buy toasters galore, pans in all shapes, any form of home stereo equipment — but not a desk lamp.
12. At Boulanger, an electronics store, smoothie makers and vacuum cleaners were available for sale, but not refrigerators, stoves or other large appliances that had been roped off. How this comported with controlling the coronavirus was not immediately clear.
13. The sheer intricacy of the bureaucratic obtuseness overwhelmed me. I could not help wondering whether some fraction of the many hours devoted to coming up with such regulations might have been better used speeding the vaccines to more people. France has up to now underwhelmed in getting its population vaccinated.
"THERE HAS TO BE A LOGIC"
14. The country’s shoe repair stores are open, even if you can’t buy new shoes. Its florists are open, but not kitchenware stores. Its frozen goods shops are open, but not gift shops. Bookstores are open now, although they were closed in the first lockdown. All restaurants, bars and cafes are closed.
15. One sign I recently passed in a shuttered beauty salon read: “Contrary to ‘hairdressers,’ it seems we are not essential to well-being. Injustice!”
16. As for lingerie and underwear stores, deemed nonessential and so closed, they have embarked on a national protest involving sending lacy panties every day to Prime Minister Jean Castex from all over France.
17. I know there has to be a logic to what’s open and what’s closed. The country proceeds with methodical purpose based on the analysis and forecasts of highly trained public servants.
18. Still, an overwhelming question grips my entire being: Why these apparently arbitrary rules? I asked a Castorama store assistant to explain why, for example, the lamps I coveted were off limits while I could buy a crepe maker. “I don’t really know,” she said. “But, of course, you can always use a candle.”
1. and counting à ce jour / public servant fonctionnaire / to display montrer, afficher / gift talent, don.
2. spread propagation / to reach atteindre.
3. to get, got, got one's head around sth comprendre/saisir qqch. / hairdresser coiffeur / outlet magasin / to deem juger, considérer / to allow autoriser / department store grand magasin.
4. thought ici, raisonnement / former ancien, ex- / to grow, grew, grown pousser.
5. to offset, set, set compenser / curfew couvre-feu.
6. to be fed up en avoir assez, être excédé / balance équilibre, compromis, juste milieu / to tamp down tasser; ici, freiner / outright franc, total / further davantage, encore plus.
7. social fabric tissu social / nexus centre, coeur / grumbling mécontentement, plaintes, grogne / to get, got, got into gear passer à la vitesse supérieure, se déchaîner.
8. workforce population active.
9. to furnish meubler / DIY = Do It Yourself bricolage / emporium grand magasin / gallic (typiquement) français / flourish ici, objet de décoration /
surface area superficie / square meter = m² / to set, set, set fixer.
10. in truth en vérité, en réalité / kind of en quelque sorte; ici, ... n'était qu'à moitié ouvert... / tape ruban adhésif / to string, strung, strung up suspendre; ici, placer, disposer (autour) / to surround entourer, encercler / sconce applique / light fixture luminaire.
11. vs = versus contre / item article / galore à profusion, à foison / pan casserole / shape forme / desk bureau.
12. vacuum cleaner aspirateur / available disponible / stove cuisinière / large grand / appliance appareil (électroménager) / to rope off délimiter par un cordon, empêcher/interdire l'accès à / to comport with avoir un rapport avec.
13. sheer absolu / intricacy complexité / obtuseness bêtise / to overwhelm dépasser, stupéfier / I can't help (+ ger.)... je ne peux m'empêcher de... / to wonder s’interroger, se demander /
to devote consacrer / to come, came, come up with concevoir, élaborer, trouver / regulation règle, règlement / to underwhelm décevoir; ici, ne pas réussir à.
14. kitchenware vaisselle, ustensiles de cuisine.
15. sign pancarte, affiche / shuttered fermé / well-being bien-être.
16. underwear sous-vêtements / to embark on entamer / protest mouvement de protestation / to involve ici, consister à / lacy en dentelle / panties petite culotte.
17. purpose but, logique, intention / forecast prévision / trained qualifié, formé.
18. still pourtant / overwhelming bouleversant; ici, existentiel / to grip s’emparer de; ici, tarauder / rule règle / to covet convoiter / candle bougie.