He thinks he is in love with someone else

Dear Minerva, I am a 16-year-old girl. I have an exboyfriend, who is one year older than me. He broke up with me about a month ago. He said that the reason he broke up with me is because he "thinks" he's in love with this other girl. He claims that he preferred to break up with me so that I don't get hurt if his feelings for this girl take over.

This happened just a few days after we made a promise to each other that we would work things out if problems arise. Don't get me wrong Minerva, he is not a bad person. He is always trying to do what is best. He even offered to help me with my studies.

Since the breakup he has been constantly apologizing and insisting that we continue to be friends. I even texted him about a guy who was bothering me and he got protective.

I would pray every night that God protects him and brings him back to me. Although I know I am young, I have never felt this way about any other boy before. I really love him.

Usually when boys break up with me I get over it the next day; I never even shed a tear. But this one got through to me and I have been crying and praying for him every night for the past month. Should I keep praying and hoping that he comes back? Or should I quit altogether.

Hurt and Confused Dear Hurt and Confused, Give it a rest for now – try not to see him, talk with him or text him for a while. And then in another month’s time, re-evaluate things and see if you still feel the same way. I doubt you will. But even if you do, repeat the process and try and get this boy out of your system.

You may not agree with me, but I don’t see him the same way you do. Based on your letter, this is a guy who made a promise to you and then broke it a few days later. Clearly, he had feelings for this other girl while making the Dear Minerva, I am a 16-year-old girl. The guy I am currently in a relationship with has a reputation as a player. I heard so many things about him that I was hesitant. But then I decided to just be friends with him and within a few weeks I was in love with him.

To me, he is not the guy everyone claims he is. He is very kind and nice. Of course, I have limited time with him so I don’t know what he does when I am not around. I am still in school and he works. He is 20 years old. We have been together for about 4 months.

My biggest problem at the moment is promise so he ought not to have made it.

Additionally, I have never heard of anyone breaking up because they “think” they might be in love with someone else. You are either in love or you aren’t. To me, he is keeping you as an option in case the other girl rejects him. You should have a problem with that. If you don’t and he comes back to you then this same scenario that is breaking your heart could be played out again. No boy is worth that.

Besides, you’re just 16, you have loads of time ahead of you for boys and what’s not. my parents. They would flip if they found out.

My boyfriend wants me to tell them so that he can come by and visit sometimes. I know they would never accept me with a boyfriend at this point in time. They would also never accept him since they know him and his parents – we all live in a small community – and his family is really well off. They have several businesses. I often heard my parents say that my boyfriend is wild and spoiled and will never amount to anything good.

I cannot tell him that and for this reason

he seems to think they will not have a problem with him because he is from a good home.

Minerva, what should I do? I am afraid that one day my boyfriend, who is very self-assured, will walk up to my mom or dad and tell them. How can I deal with this situation? Help!!

Scared

Dear Scared, You should tell your boyfriend that your parents will not agree because they want you to concentrate on your studies (which is the truth) and then you should proceed to do just that so that you can get to where you want in life.

I think that if he is as nice as you say he is he will understand. Four years is a huge age difference when you are so young. You are in high school and he is probably working in his parents’ businesses. You will not have the free time he has as you need to study hard for your exams.

In addition, you should tell your parents that you have been talking to this boy, but that you now mean to stop and buckle down to your studies. Since you live in a small community, chances are that someone would have seen you. You don’t want the gossips to tell your parents first.

If you and this boy are meant to be, waiting a few years will not matter and if you are not then you will be happy that you were able to call a halt to it before someone got hurt.