Stalked and as­saulted, wife puts it down to hus­band’s ‘demons’

Stabroek News Sunday - - GLOBAL GOSSIP -

“He at­tack me on the road and peo­ple deh all around and no­body come to help me. Is I had to fight he back and all dem say­ing is ‘boy go long you way’ but no­body stop he from hit­ting me,” she said.

She ap­peared sad rather than shocked at peo­ple re­acted. Al­though I know many per­sons refuse to get in­volved, even when a man is at­tack­ing a woman in pub­lic, I was still sur­prised when she told me this. Some peo­ple say they do not want to get in­volved in “man and woman story”, so even if a man is beat­ing a woman they would do noth­ing, pos­si­bly out of fear or per­haps be­cause they are im­mune to this type of be­hav­iour.

I could not help but re­mem­ber my ex­pe­ri­ence when I thought I was stop­ping a boy from at­tack­ing a girl and both par­ties, along with their friends, burst into peals of laugh­ter at my ex­pense. I re­mem­ber how an­gry I was; even so, I am not sure I could stand back and do noth­ing if I see woman be­ing at­tacked. But that is just what men did when this woman was be­ing at­tacked in the street re­cently.

“Girl, wah I guh do? They just stand up and watch. But I fight he off and he al­most like push me in the drain with wa­ter,” she said.

“I don’t know why he don’t just leave me alone and live he life and leh me live me life. I just fed up of he right now and some­times is like you don’t know what to do,” she added.

She has been mar­ried to this man for a num­ber of years, but re­cently got up the courage to leave him.

“I lef he, you know. I liv­ing by me self. And this man even help to carry out me things. So, I don’t know why he deh be­hav­ing like this. He don’t want me talk­ing to no man and he al­ways com­ing around me and if he see me talk­ing to a man is a is­sue.

“So that is how it start the day. He see me talk­ing and then he come up and threaten the man and the man is just a cus­tomer. The man had to move away. Now when he pass­ing again he talk­ing and when I an­swer he back is just so this man at­tack me, just like that.”

I asked her if she made a re­port to the po­lice.

“Yeah. Is whole day yes­ter­day I went and deal with that. I make me state­ment and ev­ery­thing and went and get a med­i­cal. But you know how much times I re­port this man? He name deh at the sta­tion plenty time. I had to now get a re­strain­ing or­der and serve it on he be­cause he al­ways com­ing around and threat­en­ing me,” she added. We had many con­ver­sa­tions over the months about her abu­sive re­la­tion­ship and she al­ways said that she would leave in her own time.

“I know what I do­ing, you know,” she told me once. But I was not sure of her state­ment be­cause I saw the fear in her.

She has no chil­dren for him and ac­cord­ing to her he did not sup­port her fi­nan­cially, so I could not com­pre­hend why she stayed be­cause she had also de­clared that she no longer loved him.

“You don’t make rash de­ci­sions just like dah. Things take time,” she had an­swered when I showed her all the rea­sons why she should leave the man.

I asked her if he tried to pre­vent her leav­ing their mat­ri­mo­nial home.

“Stop me? This man help me move out me stuff. Help fetch them out to the truck. He ain’t try to stop me. But now he still tor­ment­ing me and I know is he demons have he like dah. He need to go to church and change he ways. Why he must be tor­ment­ing me now?” she asked. I am sure she did not ex­pect an an­swer.

“And you know is not like we re­ally use to live to­gether like hus­band and wife. We never use to sleep to­gether or noth­ing be­cause of he at­ti­tude and how he use to treat me. Some­times I use to frighten, but then I just had to bear up un­til I get me own place,” she said.

I asked her if she was pre­pared to tes­tify against him if and when the case goes to court.

“Well I don’t know if he guh get charge. I know I tek out the re­strain­ing or­der and make a state­ment and so. But know­ing he, he wouldn’t go to the sta­tion or noth­ing be­cause is plenty re­port I make to more than one sta­tion about this man but he never get charge,” she an­swered.

Her last words sounded like deja vu be­cause they have been said be­fore by many vic­tims of do­mes­tic vi­o­lence and of the rel­a­tives of those who died as a re­sult of it. They have spo­ken about mak­ing re­ports to the po­lice and no ac­tion be­ing taken.

The po­lice, on the other hand, claim that women make re­ports then with­draw their state­ments or refuse to tes­tify in the court. How­ever, there is no doubt that there is a cul­ture in the po­lice force where do­mes­tic vi­o­lence cases are not al­ways taken se­ri­ously. There are oc­ca­sions where, in­stead of in­ves­ti­gat­ing and pros­e­cut­ing, po­lice of­fi­cers take on the role of coun­sel­lor and at­tempt to get the cou­ple to rec­on­cile even though the man would have bat­tered the woman.

“I re­ally just want he to leave me alone be­cause right now the next step for me is the divorce court,” she said, when I told her she needed to go back to the po­lice sta­tion and en­sure that her hus­band was ar­rested and charged with as­sault­ing her.

“He nah guh go any­where,” she in­sisted. I at­tempted to ex­plain that he need not go any­where, it was for the po­lice to ar­rest and charge him, but she did not seem con­vinced.

“He just need to go to church and stop mo­lest­ing me. I don’t want noth­ing from him and he treat me like a dog all dem years. I don’t know why he just don’t live he life. But I tell you, is demons this man have. When you go to church you does un­der­stand dem things. This man not act­ing in he right sense. He need to go to church and get rid of the demons,” she stressed.

I had no re­sponse for that and right then we were in­ter­rupted. I chose to make my exit, telling her I would re­turn at a later time.

I am not sure how it would end for her, but I am happy that she has moved out of a home where she was phys­i­cally and emo­tion­ally abused. It is now left to be seen if her hus­band would al­low her move on, but I am not op­ti­mistic.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Guyana

© PressReader. All rights reserved.