Heartbreak life coach Annalisa Bahadur...

From 3A

rather “to do as someone else says….”

And when people become adults, emotional turmoil is created as they struggle internally against what they were taught and what they believe they should do.

“But if you really listen to your inside, your intuition, your answers are right there but … we were not taught how to think. How does our body tell us what to do? We are caught in hearing the body at times… and then what will these people say, what will these people do…,” she said.

She recalled again how she was harshly judged when she permitted her husband to take their children to Canada. She noted that she and her ex-husband had always maintained that no matter what, they would always remember that the children did not ask to come into the world and it was their responsibility to make sure they were always taken care of.

As a result they remained in contact and built a better relationship than they had as a married couple, as their focus was strictly on the children. Over the years, she would visit the US (she had a visa) and her ex-husband would drive the children over to visit with her.

The girls are now 23, 22 and 18 and Bahadur said she has a great relationship with them and for her in the end she made the best decision for her children.

She shared that she was 13 when her mom died at the age of 39 in childbirth and one of the lessons she got from her death was that life was just too short to stay in relationships that were not working.

Her mother died on Christmas Day and another life in the form of her youngest sister was brought into the world.

In India, Bahadur completed a degree in psychology and she started to fix herself as well as change the habit of starting things and then leaving them midway; it was this resolve that ensured that she completed the degree.

She eventually moved to the US and remarried and is now also the mother of an 11-year-old son.

“I wanted another chance of being a present mom, because I had missed out on so much on my girls,” she said.

However, she maintained that she never regretted the decision of permitting them to move to Canada because they are “incredible human beings. All of them are just so wise and kind and thoughtful people and they have the education I wanted them to have. They have the medical care which was a little more of a problem in Guyana at that time when they left…”

The bottom line was that she wanted a better life for her daughters than she thought she could have given them here. They had a present father and they were loved and taken care of. She said as well that while she and her ex were not compatible partners, he is an incredible dad.

Ripple effect

In her work, Bahadur said, she has noticed that a ripple effect is being created as clients are also now reaching out and asking for assistance in communicating with their children, teaching them how to set boundaries and generally just how to grow into healthy, independent adults.

People are learning to be more appreciative of “the little humans”, she said, even though Guyanese culture has taught people to say, “I am the adult and you do what I tell you to do or I would smack you around”. This attitude, she said, does not work and it destroys relationships and even when they become adults, children are afraid to have open discussions with their parents because they are afraid of their reaction.

Prior to leaving Guyana, Bahadur worked at Little Rock television station and at GTV (now NCN) where she also co-hosted the morning show. She also anchored the news on CNS Channel 6 and VCT Evening News. She said she remained in journalism for a while until it went against her values and training, but acknowledged that she learnt a lot during those years.

Bahadur said everything in her past has led her to where she is today and she has an “incredible partner” and is a good place. Today it is hard for her to see someone go through pain and not want to help them get through it.

She got her life coach certificate in 2015, but it was in 2018 when she dealt with another personal heartbreak that she really started putting her skills to work.

“I said to myself, but wait a minute instead of sitting around and crying and waiting for everything to fall apart, how about I get excited about what is about to come into my life now? It was really a quick change of thinking and I recognised as well that your thoughts really control your emotions,” she said.

Now she wouldn’t change anything even though she believes no one should have to endure what she did in life. At the end of it all it is good to help others get through similar situations, which she would not have been able to do without those experiences.

She gave the example of speaking out about being raped and no one believing. But after she made a Facebook post, Bahadur said, she got a flood of email and messages from people who had similar experiences.

Bahadur has also started the June Nariman (the name of her late mother) Pay It Forward Foundation, through which, every six months she provides pro-bono coaching for a period in her honour. She has also started a podcast.