A chance to rediscover the world through new eyes
“Child of my child, heart of my heart.
Your smile bridges the years between us … ”
I’m generally not one to post maxims or sayings, such as the one by an anonymous author in this column. But this occasion seems to call for an exception. My eldest son called me from Miami late last year to say we were going to be grandparents.
While this was not expected, it has to be one of the most joyous bits of news I’ve ever had. I have never pressured my children to get married or have children, feeling that these things are best left to my children themselves and time. We are happy, however, to welcome the person he’s chosen as a life partner into the family. They seem like a good match.
“I am young again, discovering the world through your eyes.”
I told my son that his life was going to change more than ever. (I’m sure I’m not the first to tell him that.) But I also realized that our lives were going to change. I see photos of friends and family of my generation who seem a little younger as they cuddle grandbabies and play with grandchildren.
These grandparents drop any pretense of “acting their age”, not hesitating to dress up in funny clothes and get down on their hands and knees to play games with the youngsters.
Parents are often so busy with jobs, paying bills and otherwise keeping a family afloat that they have less time than they’d like to savor the special moments of their children’s growing up. While children certainly need attention from their parents, grandparents can be valuable backups. That is the case in China, where families have remained tightknit even in a quickly changing society.
“You have the time to listen and I have the time to spend,
Delighted to gaze at familiar, loved features made new in you again.”
I was especially close to my maternal grandparents. I learned how to change the oil in a car engine and how to change a tire thanks to my grandfather. My grandmother taught me about family history, which gave me a much greater sense of my place in the world. I still use some of the 19th century expressions that they did.
My mother died when I was in my 20s, and it makes me sad that she missed knowing my children, and now my grandchild. My children’s grandmother on their mother’s side (Abuela, meaning “grandmother” in Spanish) has been an important influence on them, even though she lives far away, in Argentina. She is in her 90s but remains important in their lives.
My wife’s grandmother and great-grandmother — “Ninny” and “Big Momma” — who helped raise her in Alabama, had a huge influence on her, teaching her the value of hard work and honesty. She often uses some of their favorite sayings. She still uses her great-grandfather’s handwritten recipe for barbecue sauce.
“Through you, I see the future. Through me, you’ll see the past.
In the present, we’ll love one another as long as these moments last.”
So we have good role models for being grandparents. Those role models have not disappeared but still guide us and are loved by us today.
Being a grandparent helps crystallize what’s really important in life: Family and good friends. It drives home the importance of passing on things like family history to your children and their children. It makes you care more about the future — a grandchild born this year could see the dawning of the 22nd century. The need to make that future a good one has never seemed more important.