Portraits of choice
A photography project aims to capture the lives of women living alone, Wang Qian reports.
Part-time photographer Dai Xianjing has been living on her own since her last relationship ended in 2016, and the magazine she worked for in Shanghai also closed. That year, Dai turned 28 years old.
“Facing the milestone of turning 30, the end of an intimate relationship and career uncertainty made me reflect on my life,” Dai says.
She started the Thirties As Waves photography project in 2016 to document the lives of women in their 30s who live alone. She tries to capture the private and casual moments in the lives of her subjects, displaying their beauty and independence.
Dai has spent time with more than 30 urban women, of ages 30 to 47, in their homes, discussing their stories of intimate relationships and sharing their secrets and desires, pain and happiness. The final work includes portraits and autobiographical text written by Dai.
Moving to Beijing to work in an internet company for brand marketing last year, Dai, 33, has been observing women around her.
“Every photo process is like a journey to recognize the value of the self,” she says.
Solo living is not isolation or loneliness, and women in her images are seen enjoying the freedom of their choice.
“As I have observed, many women live alone in cities, thanks to the increase in the number of women in the workforce and the convenience brought about by the internet,” she says.
According to the National Bureau of Statistics, there were more than 86 million people living alone in China in 2019 — 18.5 percent of all households, compared to about 6 percent in 1999. The number is expected to hit 92 million next year.
A survey on urban solo dwellers by online dating site Zhenai and property listings platform Ke in September showed that more than 70 percent of respondents born after 1990 said that living solo is becoming popular and more female respondents than men said they enjoyed living on their own.
At the same time, more women in big cities have chosen to invest in real estate.
After reviewing about 68,000 transactions in 12 first- and second-tier cities in 2018, Ke found that about 47 percent of buyers on its platform aged 30 to 50 were women.
More options
Other than traditional paths to happiness, there are diverse lifestyle choices that women can now make.
Dai says her friend, surnamed Shen, was the first woman to be photographed for the project. Dai has known the 34-year-old freelancer for nearly seven years. When Dai visited her in her home in Shanghai in the summer of 2016, Shen was pregnant. Dai later learned that her friend got divorced. In the picture, although with a beautiful pregnant curve, Shen looked tense and uncertain.
Last year, Dai revisited Shen who has raised her child alone and moved to a new apartment. Facing the lens this time, she looked relaxed and confident.
“Having experienced different kinds of intimate relationships, I have learned to embrace the uncertainty and change in life,” Shen says.
In Dai’s eyes, the comparison of Shen’s photos taken in 2016 and last year seems to show how a woman has grown up over the years.
Chen Yuanyuan, a 38-year-old college acting teacher in Nanjing, Jiangsu province, attracted the lens of Dai’s camera for her independent attitude toward marriage. She has a pixie cut, indicating her independence. With her husband in Taipei, Chen has lived on her own for 14 years. She raised their child who is 2 years old on her own. Due to the COVID19 pandemic, Chen has not met her husband for about a year.
For some women, marriage leads to a loss of freedom and less connection with the outside world. But Chen has tried to explore a new kind of close relationship, which is not about control or possession.
“For me, an intimate relationship is like acting. Actors take on different roles, learn from them and become a part of them,” says Chen, adding that love, sex and marriage should be separated, because love should be pure, which can last for days or years.
Although she did not think of becoming a mother before she got pregnant, Chen says she has taken the baby as a gift from god, which has helped her to examine herself through the parenting process.
When she is with her child, she is a gentle mother. Facing the future, she is not as fearless as before. Last year, she had two surgeries, and the first thing that came to her mind was how to transfer the custody of her child.
Chen’s marriage has made Dai think about the meaning of intimate relationships.
“From their stories, I see the power of introspection, self-acceptance and breaking barriers,” Dai says.
“When you feel sad, lost or lonely, you are not alone, because many people have similar experiences and you learn how to let go.”
Rising trend
Women, like Dai, who are well-educated and employed, hold less traditional views about marriage. They see marriage as a choice, not a necessity.
This is not only happening in China. Single-person households has become a global trend.
There were 7.9 million people living on their own in the United Kingdom last year, an increase of 4 percent over 10 years, according to figures published by the UK Office for National Statistics. In the United States, the number of singletons has increased gradually since 1960, reaching an estimated 34.75 million in 2019, according to the US Census Bureau.
Increasingly, young people are delaying or eschewing marriage to focus on their careers, personal development, education or travel, according to the market research company Euromonitor International’s top 10 global consumer trends in 2019.
American sociologist Eric Klinenberg explains the global phenomenon in Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. Published in 2012, the book talks about the rise of solo living as an extremely important social trend, which presents a fundamental challenge to the centrality of the family in modern society, due to increasing wealth, communication revolution, mass urbanization and increased longevity.
Chen Youhua, a professor with the School of Social and Behavioral Sciences at Nanjing University, told China Women’s News that the independent lifestyle has its advantages, including the amount of freedom and responsibilities, and disadvantages such as high costs and the lack of company.
Challenges for women living alone also hit the headlines after a 26-year-old woman was trapped in her bathroom for 30 hours in Beijing during the Spring Festival holiday following “stay-put” measures due to the COVID-19 pandemic. She lives alone with a cat as company in her apartment.
Safety tips for women living alone, including using safety locks, installing a home security system and keeping cellphones at hand, have been covered in media. Businesses have begun to meet the demand. The rise of social media has made staying connected easier and on-demand delivery services easily available.
Many women interviewed by Dai told her that living alone was a better option compared to settling down with the wrong person.
“Most women I interviewed want to love and be loved. We face various challenges in our lives, careers and relationships. Some get married, some become mothers. But through our different experiences, we never stop self-exploration,” Dai says.
She says she hopes that through her lens, her work can become a connection among women.
The project was renamed Women At Home in December, because the pandemic has made the home the most important place triggering thoughts and self-exploration. Dai says she wants to cover more women through the project.