Ashley Lam
“I tend to keep to myself, so I guess I’m hard for people to understand. It’s not in the look, it’s not the way I carry myself. It’s more about the way I see the world” ASHLEY LAM
FIRST TO ARRIVE and still a little bleary- eyed, Ashley Lam completes her skincare routine and composes herself before her interview. The songwriter, actress and architecture student is not what most people expect when they meet someone from the entertainment industry.
“In the music industry, a lot of people are loud and demand attention, but that isn’t me,” she says. “Sometimes I think, should
I be like that? I feel very confl icted, even at this point.”
What goes on in her head, however, is a whole other story. “I think I have a relatively harsh inner critic, so nothing is ever enough for her,” Lam explains. “When I have to be confident or perform on stage, I tend to put duct tape over her mouth, just to shut her off.”
Lam’s distinct looks and personality have meant she’s been in the spotlight for the entirety of her young adult life. Between her academic pursuits, there isn’t always time left to work on her music, although not for a lack of desire. “I would like to focus a bit more on music, I guess. Because it’s a bit difficult. Sometimes I have to put music on the sidelines,” she laments.
Having music as one of her few means of true self- expression, it’s clear that Lam regrets not having more time for it. Music is an emotional outlet for her, when talking just isn’t an option. “I think I’m emotionally stunted,” she says. “I don’t really like to talk about stuff, but my guitar calls to me.”
Not wanting to outwardly express emotion means Lam spends a lot of her time in her own head, which she describes as “narcissistic”, but is adamant that she’s working on herself to change that. “I tend to keep to myself, so I guess I’m hard for people to understand,” she explains. “I think the way that I’m different, it’s less obvious. It’s not in the look, it’s not the way I carry myself. It’s more about the way I see the world.”
She translates this easily into her social media presence.
Despite being totally caught up in the aesthetic side of social media when she fi rst started on Instagram, Lam has since grown past her obsession with a perfectly curated feed.
“I don’t feel restricted by what I can and can’t post,” she says, “I guess I just try to be as authentic as I can.” A glance at her Instagram feed and it’s apparent that she’s succeeded. Littered between photos from glamorous fashion shoots are Lam’s baby pictures and lots of posts dedicated to her friends and family.
Looking to the future, Lam already has ideas on how to recover her sense of self, which includes distancing herself from today’s hyper- connected lifestyle. “For a long time I’ve had to be connected to everything and everyone,” she says. “When I fi nish school, I would just like to be disconnected for a couple of months. I want to travel until I’m ready to come back to reality.”